Divination part 3

In which Lelith sees the background lore of the Dark Eldar pummeled into bloody paste. 


Story: Divination part 3
Author:  WalkingMaelstrom SemperFiTRex

I sort of feel that I should've got the last part rather than Vect, simply because I'm the gladiator and he's the one that make the plans. Not saying I can't, dearies, I just much prefer to kill shit to pure plotting. It's boring.

That doesn't stop me from recognising lack of said plot in a story, short or like here, massively bloated out of all sensible proportions.

But a part of me giggles like a twisted school girl at the imagined reactions of Vect upon reading this part. I am pretty certain you will too. Ah well, Lords and Ladies, you will have to make do with me.

The last part was one long boarding action, ending just as the parley with the Dark Eldar archon was about to get under way. Oh, WalkingMaelstrom (and we will continue calling you that, despite the name change you cad!), you tease you! So, how does it begin? 

The Dark Eldar captain simply sat there, indignant of the haughty Warlock who, thirty minutes prior, had fancifully butchered his way through the good majority of his crew.  Weaklings.  That must have been the only explanation to why the warriors, sybarites, wyches, and Incubi under his command lay dead, disemboweled, and dismembered around his halls.  They failed him…and ended up a waste of his wealth too.  He would not be responsible for their demise upon his return to Commorragh, after giving this arrogant Asur what he wanted and him leaving.  There was a modicum of regret having eyes much larger than his stomach in the interests of plunder.  Making the first strike was indeed foolhardy.  His ship paid the price, and it was only his ship he carried genuine concern over.

Okay, captain... and not archon or even dracon? What? Also, has he been sitting there for 30 minutes not saying shit? As much as this could have been interesting characterization of the Dark Eldar leader, his arrogance in this comes off as stupid. Someone this incapable of realizing that he has clearly bitten off more than he can chew (and it is reflected upon), would not last long enough in the Dark City to get into the position of being commander of a raiding party. He'd be usurped and murdered before long. 

So, Devonar and retinue are standing there, staring down the Dark Eldar, with the wyches hissing at Elon'waen because women, am I right!? We also get this marvelous thing: 

  His darker kin had shut these sorts of features off, the power of the Warp frightening them.  Instead they either focused on transforming such unpleasantness into twisted pleasure or learning new ways by which to exact this upon their beleaguered victims. 

Okay... okay. Calm. Deep breaths, Lelith. 

WalkingMaelstrom has, for the past few parts, been busy butchering Eldar and Dark Eldar lore in Warhammer 40,000. But you know what, Lord and Ladies? I am saving that for later, for the end-cap. Because Lelith feels a raging rant coming on. 

So, the Dark Eldar leader, Zerubinth, demands to know the questions of the Craftworlders, now that they are here, but gets only steely silence in reply, which is very strange. Apparently Devonar is trying to upset them by remaining silent. 

We are also treated to a highly unpleasant form of body-modification: 

Leaning forward with hands clasped, Devonar continued to play the mute, analyzing the tightly-pulled skin and hate-filled eyes hooked and pierced with barbs and needles. 

Ow. Just ow. Eye piercings. Whatever will we think of next, eh? And really, needles? Barb-shaped piercings? Are you kidding me? Does this guy even realize what a barb looks like?

Mmh, I sure would love to have that in my eye.

Also, note to myself for the rant later: 

A pity to see how Asur had fallen so low to where they would loot, violate, and murder their own kind to slake the thirst of the very enemy they should be fighting together. 

And I've got another good 14 pages of this! FUCK! 

So, Devonar finally speaks and apparently he is doing some old routine, because Elon'waen recognizes it. What is it? Riling Zerubinth up! Brilliant! The idiot falls for it though, because we have already established he is an arrogant prat with no brains. 

Zerubinth had enough.  "I will carve your stomach out fro…!" As he lunged with arms outward towards Devonar's throat, his taut hair felt a violent grab and before he knew it the side of his face met the hard surface of the table. 

 I saw chairs mentioned before (but not used) but no table. Really, what is going on? Oh, and Elon'waen knows curses that Dark Eldar don't. What? How does that make sense? Cursing is part of an emotional life, something that the Craftworlders, despite their paths, have been busy excising from themselves, never mind what an Exarch is, and also ignoring -- once again -- that we speak THE SAME FUCKING LANGUAGE. So, a Craftworlder using curses that a Dark Eldar won't recognize is a far stretch at best and confusing at worst. 

And it isn't made better in that Zerubinth repays the insults mere sentences later: 

Zerubinth defiantly cursed at the Warlock something that would offend even Khaine himself. 

 Devonar finally gets under way with the questioning, after Elon'waen breaks Zerubinth's arm, and asks the question on everybody's mind, really. Why did the Dark Eldar fire upon the Craftworld cruiser that easily outgunned them? 

Self-defense.

Because expressing how stupid that is in words is impossible. 

I will just let that one sink in. 

Zerubinth fired upon a bigger ship, uncertain whether it had discovered them or not, because it was safest that way? I hate to restate the painfully obvious, but the man's an idiot. I'm feeling ambivalent over this, Commorites, because it means Elon'waen is not the dumbest cow in the room, it is the Dark Eldar leader instead. 

Zerubinth does elaborate that it was the drifting wreck that attracted them, and they apparently cut right through the Song of Vengenace's path in the Webway to do it... which you can't. The Webway is literally a series of tubes. Or tunnels.
Devonar does point out that there is more to this story. So Devonar decides to do the thing he should have done with Cailean back in Retaliation, but didn't because of plot convenience. 

Devonar had sought to mentally probe this captain even further, but it seems he was no fledgling simpleton ripe for it.  His spears into the Dark Eldar's cortex were met with onyx spikes and shields.  His recesses of memory bit him with the harsh realization that he did reveal himself as a Warlock, something the captain likely had training on how to counter the immense psychic weight he could bear.  It would have been child's play with a mon'keigh, but unfortunately the 'Eldarith ynneas' were of like mind.  He could only bring them discomfort instead of agony.  How disappointing.  Already precious minutes were spent chasing a fleeting dream, dialogue and negotiation lost on this imbecile, and making it even worse was the looming guilt that every moment of time not obtaining information was a moment that the soul of another innocent Eldar could hang in the balance, at the mercy of fate since the servants of the Soul Sucker would be showing none.  

This is another note for later, by the way. Also, I love the contradiction in here as well as the complete and utter breakdown of grammatical structure at the end. Seriously, it is hard to make out what the fuck WalkingMaelstrom is getting at! And this is another edited segment, it would appear, as the original had "druchii" instead of "eldarith ynneas". WalkingMaelstrom is learning! Or he's actually read this blog, and that possibility amuses me greatly.

So, Zerubinth doesn't cave that easily and Devonar continues to try to pry out of him and his cohorts what they are hiding. Not even when Devonar goes "bad cop" on Zerubinth, does he cave, because apparently Dark Eldar are now all masochists. 

Devonar after a while realizes it is fruitless to try to get information out of a Dark Eldar through torture, and lapses into a thoughtful silence, but is brought out of it by this: 

"Warlock!" His Lann Caihe had broken through the silence with a personal communication.  

Another unexplained Eldar word! It means executive officer, or more exactly "water bringer", and basically serves to replace the captain of the ship if he should start going bonkers. But without context or explanation, once again we are forced to wonder just what the fuck a "Lann Caihe" is.

It turns out the wrecked human vessel was a rogue trader. 

"We've detected the traces of technology of our own kin, judging by the spectral measurements we have just taken.  We are not sure what it was, but these mon'keigh did carry Asur belongings, those that were likely taken from our craftworlds.  The signatures are there, along with scattered remnants of the stolen work tearfully ripped asunder from whatever containments the humans had in place for them.  Doubtless this is the work of greater evils, Warlock." 

 Anyone betting against that this "greater evil" is Torturer and the Sick/Stealth/Siege Six? Anyone? Didn't think so, because it is Rivals Til Death after all. Though, then again, it would have been an impressive curve-ball if it turned out to be Orks. 

This information seems to take the Dark Eldar leader by surprise, I think, because the writing is muddled here, but he continues to stonewall Devonar for no other reason than spite and keeps insisting his daddy, I mean the rest of his Kabal will soon turn up and rescue him. Zerubinth is a villain, that much is obvious, but he is that particular brand of villain known in the business as Stupid Evil. Cartoonish levels of evil has its place, but that is usually places like Inspector Gadget. I can't even list the Smurfs here, because Gargamel had a clear intent in his evil and was actually, you know, pretty intimidating.

Looks notwithstanding... 

This is a stalemate. Thankfully, Elon'waen does something to break it up, in her own Lawful Stupid way: 

Elon'waen had enough.  "I grow tired of this!  Empty threats and double-speak from depraved psychopaths…that is all I am hearing!  Just give us what we want, instead of being a brood of obstinate insects, and we'll leave you to fester in your soulless abattoir you call a ship!"  Slamming her fist down on the table she screamed more demands to them, the pitch powerful enough to make the Dark Eldar around her grasp their heads from the sound, but to her dismay even such ear-piercing agonies were met with twisted smiles.  They actually enjoyed this in some sick way.  That above all else is what perturbed her when it came to these perverted relatives.  Her craft, her aura, her intimidation, all of it naught when trying to make these beings heel.  She was the damage to his control, and whatever did not make her feel that way only angered her further, fighting the urge to decapitate everyone in the room and further validate that haughty Ranger. 

More points towards the later rant, too. 

Zerubinth goes rape-face against Elon'waen and earns a beating for it. But we also get a telepathic conversation between Simhoen and Devonar. The gist of it is that they should keep the Banshee on a tighter leash and that she is still "young in mind". How old is Elon'waen then? Because somebody on the Path of the Warrior and this far down it, cannot be a child any more! How is it that WalkingMaelstrom seem to think acting emotionally childish is a strength? HOW!? 

Devonar gets her to stop, though. Then we're hit with another continuity break: 

Elon'waen released her grip on the captain and walked back to Devonar.  Her mask hid her utter scorn for the Dark Eldar and while she was unhappy having to cease her beating, a subtle facial tweak from the Warlock piqued her curiosity.  

 Remember that both Devonar and Elon'waen were wearing their helmets. Any facial expressions would be utterly lost behind them. Yet here Elon'waen is seeing a "tweak" on Devonar's face. 

Devonar has finally found a way to break Zerubinth's stonewalled, arrogant posturing. What is that? Well, after smacking the Dark Eldar leader around some more (without his Incubi bodyguard interfering), Devonar creates a miniature warp-rift in the air. 

A miniature warp-rift. 

I'll just quote the pertinent parts here: 

The Warlock grinned with an almost sinister delight.  In his many centuries serving the craftworld and upon his path, he had learned to channel the powers of the empyrean like never before.  He had learned this particular technique on his own, a very dangerous maneuver considered by most of his kin but in his vigilance to master the powers of the Warp he insisted he learned this art.  It had not occurred to him before that his darker kin had completely masked themselves behind their pride, ambition, and utter depravity.  They consumed, pillaged, and violated in ways worse than any barbaric ork or horrifying Tyranid monster could consider.  Yet unlike those two lesser races, they still carried one weakness. 

It was fear.  Fear of the unknown…and the very well known.  Since the Fall, the Dark Eldar had found themselves unable to avoid the temptations and desires of the same heinous acts responsible for the creation of She Who Thirsts.  Compared to those who had escaped in their craftworlds and pursued lives of utter diligence and discipline, standing ever ready to combat the fiends of Slaanesh, they had instead fled entirely, forming their murderous capital of Commorragh.  There they plotted, murdered, raped, tortured, and harvested the souls of any living being they could capture and play with.  But such activities were not simply for their own enjoyment.  They were more importantly used to stave off the desires of the Soul Sucker to where the sick god would not go after them.  Their modus operandi could be summed up as "much better you than I."  Yet in all of this, they still carried the surreal fear of the Warp, the destination for all of them to be the playthings of She Who Thirsts for all eternity. 

WalkingMaelstrom is partially correct in that yes, Dark Eldar do fear the Warp and She Who Thirsts. But he gets a few (important) things wrong. Again, I will save that for the later rant. Cock-tease, moi?

It is good to know that Devonar has served for centuries as a Warlock, though. And that he has a special snowflake ability to create small warp-rifts.

Tempting though it is to start showing every little stupid thing in this, like WalkingMaelstrom's misspelling of Zerubinth into "Zerubing", I will try to recap this as quickly as possible, because we're barely halfway through and I am starting to feel bored.

Devonar basically water-boards Zerubinth face-first into the warp-rift and this does not make Zerubinth's face melt off immediately, as it should. No, this is warp-fuelled water-boarding, dammit!

And Dark Eldar have acid spit just like Space Marines now.

A nameless wych has had enough and lunges against Devonar, only to be cut in half, literally, by Elon'waen. At least the stupid cow takes her duties seriously, which I can't say for the bisected wych. 

The warp-boarding of Zerubinth continues and we get this musing about Craftworlders and Commorites:

 He [Devonar] considered them just numerically superior to those of Comorragh and that carried the only advantage. 

FUCKING WRONG! And I will tell you why later, in the rant.

Oh, and WalkingMaelstrom's grammar starts breaking down here, with more and more misspellings, grammatical mistakes and missing articles. I wonder if Torture-Device coached him on this? That this is a very likely possibility actually chills me. It means WalkingMaelstrom has so little faith in his own writing that he listens to advice from a Russian barely coherent in English. 

They finally get word out of Zerubinth that they were looking into the drifting wreck because of rumours of humans dabbling with wraithbone contructs. So, we are reminded that Shadowbone still exists.

So it seems that Torturer and crew have been raiding Dark Eldar vessels too for Bonesingers. I've got a surprise for you, WalkingMaelstrom: WE DON'T USE BONESINGERS! It's not like we just take slaves to torture, we use them to build our structures because we don't use wraithbone! Wraithbone is solid warp-matter that has to be pulled out by a psyker, and psykers are the last thing we fucking need in Commorragh, what with, oh you know, BEING ON THE FUCKING EDGE OF BETWEEN REALITY AND HELL WHERE ANY ACCIDENT WITH A PSYKER CAN POTENTIALLY FLOOD THE CITY WITH LOLWARP!!

But the real question is: HOW THE FUCK ARE THERE EVEN RUMOURS ABOUT THIS? All they'd know was that some dope has been kidnapping Eldar for literally years now. The rumours about experiments make no sense, as up until recently the only people who could conceivably know about the Shadowbone project would have been Torturer, Magos Phoeb, Rakkes and maybe Zekkel. None else. Torturer and Zekkel made a big show to present the finished machine to the rest of the Engine of Obscenity's crew. They kept the reason for the raids of Eldar vessels under wraps and for good reason.

So how the fuck did Zerubinth's Kabal even know about this? The only answer I can give is because WalkingMaelstrom wants to key in Devonar on the game as quick as possible, but the end result is fucking sloppier than a Baconator!

Anyway, Devonar has trouble fitting it all together (understandable considering the circumstances) and orders his troops back to the Song of Vengeance, after collecting all the Craftworld tech and soulstones that they can carry. Because Dark Eldar apparently feed soulstones to She Who Thirsts. Someone is gleefully unaware of what the Incubi do with them!

Back on the cruiser, Devonar finds out that the Sick Six are going to the Maelstrom, and Devonar sets sail for that, but not before crippling the Dark Eldar vessel and leaving it to be preyed upon by humans. Devonar thinks this ironic. No. True irony would be to call other Dark Eldar, of another Kabal, such as the esteemed Kabal of the Black Heart of my dear Asdrubael Vect, and let them pick Zerubinth apart. That would be irony. 

We end on this line: 

Ahead of him lay the dark clouds of the coming storm. 

And that storm is my pent up rage. 

_____________________________________________________________ 

I'm going to start off with stepping outside the Lelith persona and speak to you as one gamer to another, because this concerns basic concepts of lore, however loosely that can be used in the Warhammer 40,000 universe.

The first thing y'all need to understand is that Dark Eldar are essentially Drow knock-offs. As such, they are firm Type 4s on TVTropes list of Chaotic Evil examples. How are they Drow knock-offs? Apart from the whole evil space elves thing; that they can see in the dark and that they have their own little Underdark to lord over, Dark Eldar also have a society in which the only law is "do what thou whilst" with the addendum "don't get caught, because then we act as if we actually HAD laws". The Kabal system is that way of maintaining a veneer of laws, which are basically: don't mess with our members or we will wreck your shit. But laws in the traditional sense, they are not.

Dark Eldar society is anarchic, dog-eat-dog and "to the victor the spoils"-style, but it is not without its refinement, because it is still Eldar, ie elven. What it means is that to succeed in it, you need to have brains and cunning as well as brawn. If you lack either and start acting arrogant about it, you will be tested by somebody poking his dick in your pudding whilst knifing you in the back. Kabal or no Kabal.

So, with Dark Eldar being such murderous pricks, how come they aren't extinct? Because Dark Eldar use cloning tech, or a variant thereof. This method of procreation means that Dark Eldar are GREATER in number than their Craftworld cousins, belying what WalkingMaelstrom claimed in Divination part 3. The Dark Eldar that are born in the tried and tested, but slow, natural manner are known as Trueborn.

But let's get to the meat of the reason that Divination part 3 completely massacres Dark Eldar lore and background material.

WalkingMaelstrom insisted throughout the entire chapter that Dark Eldar use the pain of others and themselves to surrogate-feed Slaanesh, so He/She/It won't eat their souls, turning the Dark Eldar into sadomasochists.

This is not so. Dark Eldar feed on the PAIN OF OTHERS. They are to all intents and purposes psychic vampires feeding of the woe and suffering of other souls, using it to fill the leaky sieve that their own souls have turned into because of the Fall. And the older you get, the more pain you need to "top it off". The Craftworlders stop the leakage using soulstones, but the Dark Eldar do not have anything like this. The fact that Commorragh is located in the Webway to a great extent slows this process down, but every real-space raid conducted is a risk, but they have to be undertaken nevertheless as slaves are the currency of the Dark City.

So how can WalkingMaelstrom get something like this so very wrong? It would seem that WalkingMaelstrom was fed old lore about the Dark Eldar, old as in ten years stale, from someone, despite the fact that the new Dark Eldar codex was released almost half a year before Divination was written. This someone was not up to date and I want to choke him/her for it. Even worse, WalkingMaelstrom took their word as gospel without checking to see whether it was actually correct to assume it hadn't changed. Basic research is something every author MUST DO, doubly so when you are writing fanfiction (or licensed fiction, if you are doing fanfiction for money). 

Furthermore, Commorragh is located in the Webway, and because of Dark Eldar's reluctance to make She Who Thirsts aware of their existence and thus flooding the Dark City with eldritch horrors, it has caused their naturally great psychic gifts to atrophy to the point where Dark Eldar no longer have psykers. They are still vestigially psychic, as this is needed for their psychic vampirism to function, but not enough to attract any greater attention from Slaanesh, except on prolonged stays in real-space.

You know what? Fuck it! I will just link you to Games Workshop's own interview with Phil Kelly and Jes Goodwin as they spoke about Dark Eldar background and lore at around the release of the current codex.

These were available when WalkingMaelstrom wrote Divination, for the record. He simply could have checked Games Workshop's own website for them! But no.

And with that, I put my Lelith mask back on.

So, what did this little sidetrack of 20,000+ words lead to? Devonar learning that Torturer is going to the Maelstrom, through a plot device that MAKES NO SENSE! I repeat, how the fuck do they KNOW that experiments are even conducted on their own people, because as far as we know, Torturer has not let any Eldar prisoners go once they have been taken aboard the Engine of Obscenity.

It is a plot hole the size of a super nova!

I also realize that my intense anger over this part most likely have made it much less entertaining than it should have been, but I am so far beyond caring whether you laugh or not it isn't funny any more. I promise to better myself for the next part I recap for you, Lords and Ladies.

I hope this nice hot cup of Lelithian anguish filled you up nice and warm. 

And with that, I will leave you with Lord Vect once more. I hope he has calmed down from his explosive rage-bout now. He will need it for the coming parts, if what I saw when I glanced them over is actually true. Seriously, I thought I was seeing things. I did not think it was possible to stall the plot even further.

Stay cruel, my kin!

//L//

Divination part 2

In which the great and terrible Supreme Overlord loses his sobriety. 


Story: Divination part 2
Author: WalkingMaelstrom

What an eventful week it has been! No'akei tried to poison me again at lunch and my seat blew up at the premiere of the the Dancing Death Troupe's rendition of the War in Heaven (my request; Lord Skalan complained that he'd seen it too often, and Lord Skalan's displeasure amuses me greatly), then a swarm of hellions attacked the convoy supposedly carrying my body to the haemonculi.

So now there is a hole where Duke Karraghos's manse-spire used to be. Eye-for-an-eye, that, as I do not enjoy my opera-time being interrupted. With him gone, though, there's a nice fat plot of prime real estate open for exploitation once more in my city.

So what exactly are my insignificant, half-extinct "cousins" (I loathe to use the word in reference to the craftworlders) doing while I wipe out entire ancient lineages of prestigious Commorrites?

Fuck-nothing! The exact same thing they've been doing the last 100,000 words!

So what has our super-special bestest best author-buddy done this week?

He apparently joined the Witness Protection Program. Unfortunately, deviantart likes to remind you that you have done horrible, horrible things in your past. Like this atrocious series.

So Lelith and I will continue to refer to SemperFiTRex as WalkingMaelstrom for a while, partly because there is no forgiving the horrible writing we have seen, as well as that which we are about to examine.

And I assure you, we eldar have very long memories indeed.

Alright, this will be a long ride, everyone. With that in mind, I introduce you to:

THE RIVALS TIL DEATH DRINKING GAME!

(Weaboo Edition)

Bear in mind that you are very likely going to die of alcohol poisoning while playing this. I, however, intend to play it throughout this review.

First sentence in and I'm already feeling a little nauseous:

Of all the things to confound him during his time of frustration, his quite depraved cousins were amongst the top in the hierarchy.

Is this even supposed to be modern English? He left us off on a cliffhanger last part, awaiting some epic space-fight that defies all logic in its set-up... then he sits us down, and forces us to listen to a third-person deliberation on what a dark eldar is.

So after 340 words of useless padding, we then get to the main event.

And it's mediocre.

The enemy craft fired another ionized blast at the Song of Vengeance, the superheated streak silently carrying across the vacuum but missing its target, instead hitting debris and causing the Ulthwé ship to rock.

 That, is what we call a run-on sentence. You may have heard of them beforehand. They aren't pretty in action writing whatsoever.

The problem with this sort of long-winded narration is that it's not pretty. A combat sentence should be short, sweet, and to the point. Each time the writer inserts a period between thoughts, it is a breath of air for the reader.

Also, this is space-combat we're talking about here. Somehow I doubt "ionized blasts" will cause a ship to rock at all if it hits something so pathetic as "debris".

 "Continue acceleration towards them at sixty percent!  Shift void shields to fifty port and fifty bow!" He turned to his retinue.  "Brace yourselves, my kin!  They'll find us more than a match!"

 This doesn't feel too particularly... eldar, you know? This feels more like Star Trek techno-babble than it does the wishy-washy flowy-showy "fluttering about" that everyone was doing in part 1.

"Wishy-washy"? I'm beginning to channel the Doctor here.

Oh, and a random Howling Banshee (Elon'waen, I presume) is on the bridge "smiling wildly". Looking pretty, in other words.

"Warlock!  We have incoming missiles!" One of the crew yelled from below.  Her radar flickered with multiple streaking lines towards their ship.  "Countermeasures are primed!"
"Wait for them to get in closer range!  Port batteries!  Train your sights upon the missiles should our interceptors fail!  Prime the engines to accelerate at ninety percent!"
"Missiles are past the first boundary line!  Awaiting your order, Warlock!"

 The Tom Clancy is strong with this one. This is less of a space battle and more a bunch of people shouting pseudo-military jargon in an ambiguous room on the eldar ship.

"What are you doing, Warlock?!?" Elon'waen cried out!

 That's what I want to know, too-- surprise exclamation mark from nowhere!

Not to imply that this is particularly Naruto-esque. Not yet, anyway.

But WalkingMaelstrom starts using words like "blossom" to describe missile-blasts while he is also having characters shout in all-caps:

"PORT BATTERIES, FIRE SCATTER PATTERN!  HELMSMAN!  BEGIN SHIFT TO PORT AT THIRTY DEGREES!  INCREASE SPEED!"

Incidentally I have yet another problem with this.

WalkingMaelstrom is failing miserably to set  a tone here with his writing. He shifts back and forth between using flowery words to describe pretty fireworks, and then bounces back to these brutish, simplistic shouting-bouts.

One of these things is not like the others.

This would all be much more interesting to read if, for example, Devonar's commands were not being written out, but rather the results of his orders were described. Right now we are stuck in the presumed bridge of this vessel looking out a window, when the fight is outside. Our interest (mine, anyway) is in the carnage, the fighting, the shooting and the close-grips brutality of ship-to-ship warfare on a large scale.

Unfortunately Devonar's ship has not fired a single shot, and I'm also noting a disturbing lack of follow-up fire from the dark eldar also. I can only assume everyone's sitting and waiting patiently for what happens next.

Here's a hint: it's retarded.

So after it is apparently revealed that the enemy ship is, in fact, called Enemy Ship,

"Enemy ship is opening their batteries!"

(It's funny because there's no definitive article in there)

And they finally start firing,

The laser batteries opened fire but the Song of Vengeance withstood the punishment, the shields either absorbing or deflecting more of the withering fire.

 And I am left wondering what a white and black rainbow is,

Glancing blows struck the ship causing superficial damage across the elegant white and black rainbows, but nothing to severely cripple.

 And we are introduced to the concept of a "bow gun",

 "Bow guns, target to the flanks of the Dark Ones!  Target the warp engines and lower gun batteries!"

 
 And someone in my dark city is revealed to be using railguns,

"Warlock, their railguns have been disabled!"

Okay, there's actually a lot of padding between the initial barrage (if you can call it that) and Devonar's almighty grand plan to defeat the dark eldar, so I'll just go ahead and segue right to that.

Devonar orders his gun crews to somehow disable both the dark eldar's weapons and "visuals". While I have no idea what a "visual" is meant to refer to, but he then orders them to ram the raider, so they may then board it.

Ram the raider.

With his cruiser.

Yeah.

Before we continue I need to point out the obvious here. The person who gave Devonar the idea to board in the first place, was the ranger, Simhoen Hainhann.

Simo Häyhä, the world's most handsome jaw.

WalkingMaelstrom had the gall to parody the name of Finland's White Death, the greatest sniper the world has seen, the man who accumulated over five-hundred kills in the Winter War.

A "reference" like this would be amusing in, say, a video game such as Dawn of War II, which already has given us Me'ri'su's Polearm.

Also: shame on you, Lelith! Of all people, I thought you would have noticed the savage, disrespectful and just-plain obnoxious reference to a modern warrior-legend.

... Modern? Pre-modern? Historical?...

I hate talking in-character at times like this.

Oh! Obligatory sexism comment:

"Elon'waen."
Her face became alive with anticipation.  "Yes, Warlock?"
"Tell me, when was the last time you had performed a boarding action?"

 Look at how eager she is to answer Devonar. How cute.

That's right, Devonar, keep that bitch on your leash.

And you just know that "boarding action" is innuendo for the violent sex they're going to be having after this is done with.

So anyway, they board the raider using a shuttle, which means I was apparently wrong about the ramming thing earlier.

"Well," Devonar turned to the both of them with glaring eyes, "it seems the druchii wish for their deaths."

But we're back to calling my people druchii now. One thing or another, it seems.

I think that was only my twenty-third shot, incidentally.

Elon'waen marveled seeing the power of the Warlock in action.  For all the many years she served him, she never grew tired and instead cried out to her fellow Banshees. "SISTERS!  THE WARLOCK HAS CLEARED THE PATH!  ONWARD!  MAEL DANNAN!"

  Ah, there it is again: the language-mixing caps-locked eldar-speak within eldar-speak. Is it really that difficult to say "NO QUARTER" or does the translator have to spontaneously break down every time WalkingMaelstrom finds a cool new phrase?

Let's not even talk about the "gazing in awe of the man" thing, or the disregard for Aspect temple duties. Do you really want to hear what it sounds like to speak in eldarith? Do you?

iam Farath CreagLeram Aual, iam em yess Faras Komagres!

ual an GairamEad zsen?

ial WalkingMaelstrom Thara Dannanam AKel Margrech! iam Sista yassWalkingMaelstrom CreagKoss IsshMann! et Mon'keigh Tharet NosKam, Furith CreagLeram, uan asskam Golgaith...

Ugh!

eaait Mon'keigh! asset Fare Eldarith mael Weaboo.

Iä, iä! Cthulhu Fthagn!

Perhaps Lelith and I should start referring to WalkingMaelstrom/SemperFiTRex as "Maelsoth".

Ha! Maelsoth, get it? He has no brain!

Now that I've calmed down a bit, we can continue.

The fight-scene that follows is so boring and flamboyant it reminds me an uncomfortable lot of Symphony of Chaos.

The Banshee roared through her mask, diving headfirst to the Warlock and timing it almost perfectly, rolled and sprung up to shove her blade deep into the wych's stomach in midair.  The wych gurgled and widened her eyes with complete shock.  "Your filthy, murderous hands shall not touch the Warlock!"  Elon'waen slammed the fiend, with sword still inside, onto the deck and pulled the blade free to deal with the second wych.  Her blades flowed as if they were her arms, blocking and slicing with unfathomable ease.  The wych was wholly unprepared to take on an enraged Banshee such as her, barely able to block or strike for that matter.  The Agoniser was cut into pieces from her hand which had also left the wych's body.  As she reeled, Elon'waen thrust her blade into the druchii's forehead, eyes rolling backwards, body twitching, and the blood and skull dripping off the shining metal.  With the enemy falling to the floor, Elon'waen twirled her blades to wick the wet blood off of them, standing as tall and fearsome as she could be, acting as an inspiration to the other Banshees who had mercilessly finished off the rest of the enemy.
Devonar watched her turn to him.  A small nagging thought crept in where he wished he could see her face.  He imagined it a self-satisfied grin, ready to comment on his headstrong maneuver with an air of vindication that dug into his skin like an insect.
"Charge to the forefront by yourself and expose yourself to near death by enemies catching you completely off-guard without the real support of your troops?  That was your idea of support, Warlock?  Your selflessness will force me to bring you back to the Infinity Circuit one of these days.  Is that what you would call 'the burden of leadership'?"
"Humor is not your strong point, Elon'waen.  Besides, such a predicament would be rather inconvenient for the both of us."
"Indeed it would, and make me an inferior bodyguard, to let my leader run off like some foolish mon'keigh." She snapped right back.
"Your barbs are ever so appreciated."

I must confess I've never heard of the word "barb" being used to refer to one's snippy/womanly attitude.

Somewhere between WalkingMaelsoth stopping combat for long-winded dialogue and referring to my species as if I and my cousins were Fantasy elves, the gang uncovers the dark eldar loot room.

He noticed Lugganath artisan sculptures, jewelry worn likely by civilians, wraithbone armors of Saim-Hann, and even a Banshee mask which only further boiled the blood of Elon'waen.  Bodily remains were scattered there as testaments to their wanton cruelty and pillaging.

Wow. This ship's been busy, I see, given that Lugganath and Saim-Hann are on opposite ends of the galaxy.

I was wondering for a moment just who these idiots were when I looked back up some ways and realized: WalkingMaelsoth (okay, last time I call him that) does tell us who they are!

From the markings that Simhoen pointed out, it looked like this particular ship belonged to the Kabal of the Fiend Ascendant, a lesser band of misfits trying to work their way up the vicious food chain.

I do not think that Archon Tarsidhe would appreciate being referred to as a "misfit", certainly not the "trying to work their way up the vicious food chain" comment either.

In fact, I rarely see much of Tarsidhe anymore, given that he's continually fighting in the Ultima Segmentum, what with all the tau and the Ultramarines, and the tyranids. I imagine he'd be gravely upset to know one of his ships is not supporting his almighty battlefield theatrics.

That's another thing: WalkingMaelstrom obviously is going a step further than Torture-Device and is doing his research. Some research, anyway, since he doesn't know a verse about the Kabal of the Fiend Ascendant.

Apparently anything he can't find on the 40K Wiki doesn't matter, despite the fact he can easily look it up in the codex to ensure what he's writing about isn't some fat neckbeard's fantasies about my relationship with Lelith. If he doesn't have a codex - well big fucking deal! He can go download a copy for reference.

No credit for not reading your source material!

If this ship was going back and forth from one Segmentum to another, I think it would have had the sense to stop and drop off loot in the Dark City.

"Incubi." Elon'waen hissed. The dreaded bodyguards of the Dark Eldar leaders were always formidable foes, far better honed in the art of combat and killing than your common warrior.  The training they had endured and survived also allowed them greater resistance to the graceful and deadly psychic powers the Warlock wielded. They had only hoped they were not there to start another melee.

 I'm truly getting sick to death of all this elaboration. Rather than waste everyone's time padding things down by explaining what every single dark eldar does, just show us what they do!

Yadda yadda, the Kabalites try to surprise the craftworlders with mandrakes; it doesn't work because they're important characters and they'll obviously win without any effort; blah blah blah...

And then Devonar gets to the bridge to "parlay".

Parlay, not parley. He actually made that mistake, the idiot.

There sat the druchii captain, his private troupe of wyches and remaining Incubi standing in awe at the Warlock.  With that awe came hatred only millennia could produce, predators hoisted by their own petard and undone by hubris.  The captain remained seated however with a stern look of disgust across his scarred and pierced face.  It was met by Devonar, Warlock of Ulthwé, who after slaughtering so many in his rage had finally had enough of the deceit and audacity.
A lone finger angrily pointed towards the pirate. "You…you are Zerubinth."
"Yesssss…weakling craftworlder." He hatefully jeered back, masking his apprehension for the sake of his pride.
"Good.  You know who I am.  You know why I am here.  I have questions.  You have potential answers.  I want them…now." He cracked his neck, ready for the brutal questioning he was about to bestow upon his foes.  "So, let us begin."

 ---~~~---

I counted no less than four instances of the word "awe" used in very questionable ways in part 2. I should probably add that into the drinking game, but since it appears roughly once per each chapter that WalkingMaelsothstrom writes, I fear it would only make the game even more difficult.

I might add "petard" on next, though. That word just annoys me.

I cannot really get across how boring Divination part 2 was. Instead, I'll throw numbers in your face that show how bad it was.

When one peruses WalkingMaelstrom's deviantart gallery they notice a sizable disparity between the number of comments and commenters on his works. Divination part 2, for instance, has exactly three different commentators in its 9 comments, and one of them is WalkingMaelstrom.

Rumination part 2 is far worse: 4 commentators (including WalkingMaelstrom) for 17 comments total. Lelith and I were in total despair when we saw the comment totals on deviantart; how can something so awful be this popular?

A closer inspection revealed that it's usually the same people who are commenting, however, and they tend to be good friends of WalkingMaelstrom's.

So how boring was this? How much more boring does it get?

As of the 21st of June there is a pit after Divination, during which his stories do not receive any comments at all. My guess is he bored his friends into comas during this time.

Okay, to be fair, this is potentially due to the fact he published these en masse following the release of a nearly year-long ban (there's a funny story to that). But you'll notice the trend continues even after his giant dump.

I'm seriously beginning to think Lelith and I need to find some more fan-fiction to make fun of on the side. We're both starting to run low on things to make fun of, and if this series is seriously this uninteresting, there will be problems.

That's a problem for another time. I have to make arrangements for dinner with Lady Lakont and her... lovely sisters...

Ta ta, dear Kabalites!

- V.

Divination part 1

In which Lelith tries to recap the story so far before we sidetrack for 3 parts. 


Story: Divination part 1
Author: WalkingMaelstrom

It has now been 3 months since we started this little project of ours, Lord Vect and I. I think it is only fair that we try to recap what has been going on so far, to try to get it straight that we mean what we say in that very little actually happens in this series.

First I want to explain how word count works in the publishing industry. It is not the actual word count you get when using that function in whatever Microsoft Word-clone you use. It is actually a tad more complex than that, but the gist is that as the average word in the English language is 5 letters long, you take the character count and divide by 5... basically. It is also generally understood that a novel is 100,000 words long, give or take some. It can be longer, much longer, like Game of Thrones with its throbbing 300,000+ word count, but it can also be much shorter, see the early Harry Potter novels (although they were aimed at older children/young teens).

Counting words exactly gives us, between Vessel of His Wrath and Rumination part 2, a word count of a bit more than 89,000 words. Using the "industry" way of counting words, we get a bit more than 103,000 words.

To put it another way: we should have at least the same amount of contents as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Do we, though? Let's recap this bitch.

• The first chapter was, in its entirety, a duel between Cailean and Torturer, ending with the Noise Raptor running away. 
• Prelude to the Rapture was entirely about planning a battle, plans we never really saw, with Torturer and Cailean moping before that. And character introductions like there is no tomorrow. 
• Symphony of Chaos was the ensuing skirmish, in which Ashur dies, Moerchen gets possessed, Zekkel loses a leg and Inquisitor Tina is kidnapped (out of the blue, really). 
• Retaliation begins with Cailean and some Eldar Warlock banishing the daemon in Moerchen, before having a council/info-dump about what the slaves of She Who Thrists are actually up to. We also get a mopey Torturer. And Cailean shows that he is actually batshit insane. 
• Interrogation... well... Lady Tina is tortured and revealed to be another codependent princess in distress. And Cailean is questioned. Not much though. We also get another character introduced to us in Aeseryth L'Hyel. 
• Distraction introduces Magos Phoeb, the Stealth Six and Siege Six, as well as the plot-MacGuffin and wishalloy the Shadowbone. Cailean is questioned some more. We also have Inquisitor Tenepht and Lope Angelico at the end. More blasted characters introduced! 
• Rumination is about the Lady Tina being interrogated... again! And being a codependent fucking twat... again! And Cailean is quite probably possessed. Oh, and we sort of get introduced to the completely useless Cath.

And that is it, people. That is all that has happened so far. Some would say it is a fair bit. I would say it is pretty frightening not more has happened in nearly 100,000 words of writing. It feels like we're still building up to some epic story about to happen! Nearly half of what we have so far, some 40,000 words, was the initial fight and the skirmish in Symphony of Chaos. We get a hint of a plot in Retaliation part 3 when the Eldar info-dumps their knowledge of Torturer on Cailean and co. We get an actual plot, or potential for plot, in Distraction with the Shadowbone, as much as I hate to admit it.

Before that, it is merely meandering about, introducing more and more characters I do not give a shit about, as we are told their background and character, instead of having them interact with each other and reveal themselves that way. And when we do get interaction, it is hamfisted and the end result is so far from what I think both WalkingMaelstrom and Torture-Device intended it becomes funny. It does not change the fact that the pacing is all over the place.

Compare that to the aforementioned Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. In that, we get introduced to Harry's muggle family, what muggles are and a host of other weird nomenclature, how the wizarding world works, how magic works, Hogwarts, Harry's basic friends and enemies for the rest of the series (they are quite a few!) and we get to have an adventure that is fairly conclusive on its own, but leaves enough open for the next book. In Rivals Til Death, we are still introducing basic concepts, the plot is in the starting blocks and I have a creeping suspicion we're going to see even more characters introduced. 

But nevertheless, as I stated in Rumination part 1's end-cap, I am now viewing this with fascination rather than scorn. It takes almost retarded levels of dedication to continue writing something like this. I wonder how Inquisitor Tina will escape (as was hinted at in Rumination part 2)? What will happen in the Maelstrom with Torturer and co.? Will they sway the Tyrant? And what about Cailean's rapidly deteriorating mind and his possession?

WalkingMaelstrom, having left us on this (in lack of better words) cliff-hanger, decides that NOW is a good time to remind people that we still should care about the Craftworlders. We last saw Warlock Devonar 5 parts and nearly 40,000 words ago. I figured they just were a plot-delivery device. That was obviously not what WalkingMaelstrom thought. 

I guess that is why all 3 parts of Divination are dedicated solely to the Eldar adventures. 

Warlock Devonar's Wacky Adventures! 

And I solemnly swear to not be too nitpicky about lore-raping in this part, as I leave that for Lord Vect when he deals with the next one. But I have to wonder over this: 

On rare occasions did he attempt to use them [runes of seeing - Lelith's note], secret from everyone else save for his most trusted confidantes, but the Path of the Seer was not his to be lost down. 

 I have a problem with this. I do not know a great lot about the Craftworlder lifestyle, but I do know that a Warlock is already on the Path of the Seer, having previously served as an Aspect Warrior. Unless what WalkingMaelstrom is hinting at is that Devonar is not going to be a Farseer. It is not very clear, see. 

Devonar is having trouble reading the Runes of Seeing, which is strange, as even the lowliest Warlock is far more adept at manipulating the Warp than any mon-keigh. As Vect remarked in Distraction, the main difference between Eldar and Humans is that Eldar are like mathematicians when manipulating the Warp, psychics being part of our nature. Humans simply blunder blindly in all things Warp-related, because it is not as seamless a part of their nature. 

Anyway, the scene culminates in this: 

Arms outward and fingers curled in irritation, he snarled in his native tongue.  "Blasted runes…why do you not aid me?" 

 

Also, I love how WalkingMaelstrom points out that the Eldar Warlock is speaking Eldar on board an Eldar ship. Well, duh! Keep this in mind though for later on. We'll get back to this. 

Devonar is interrupted in his scryings by a voice, that turns out to belong to a Ranger named Simhoen. We also get introduced to the third word that WalkingMaelstrom loves after "nettlesome" and "vitriolic", namely "mayhap". 

And like a certain novelist famous for her misuse of the words "chagrin" and "topaz", WalkingMaelstrom completely misuses these words as well as seemingly only using them to sound smart. It doesn't work, hun. 

Simhoen Hayn'Hann, to give his full name, is a friend of Devonar, as is the Banshee named Elon'waen. I'm noticing a dreaded mark of bad fanfiction right here: random apostrophes in names to make them more mysterious. It is funny, as Devonar lacks that trademark, and true enough, Warlock Devonar belongs to another Deviant tartlet: Protocol-9. In the same Artist's Comment that WalkingMaelstrom reveals that we also get the reason behind this mini-trilogy of stories that completely break-off from the main storyline: 

"It's tricky business, but seeing how 's Warlock seemed too juicy of a character to pass up, it had to be done."

 Not the words of somebody who plans ahead very much, is it? 

But I digress more than this story does. 

Anyway, I bring this up mostly because we then get an info-dump background blurb-thing about Simhoen. He's a Ranger, as said, and a trusted friend of Devonar, as said. At least we now finally see Ulthwé spelled properly. 

And the writing takes a turn for the worse here. WalkingMaelstrom usually avoids silly misspellings by credit of being a native speaker of English, but that doesn't stop him from writing amazingly silly sentences. Like these: 

"It seems that his growling list of enemies did not provide us much, either." 

"Such incredible insight! Mayhap the Farseer path is yours after all." 

And 

"Nevertheless, I can feel that Lyculainn and Chaun'rith have been pursuing me for guidance for some time. It's best I no longer stay aloof." 

So Devonar is called to the control deck of his ship by Simhoen after reflecting over the nature of humans, again. Remember that from Retaliation part 3? I won't harm you, much, if you don't, dearies. 

Aboard the Song of Vengeance, the control deck was an illustrious room of shining white adorned with ruby and black runes to protect its occupants from the horrors outside. 

I know I promised not to nitpick about lore but for fuck's sake! We already went through with this in Distraction! Eldar ships are shielded from the Warp through the material they are made out of: wraithbone. Nevermind that they use the Webway for FTL travel, which means there is precious little "horrors" outside of it, as the Webway, though dilapidated and broken through in places, is still a fairly safe harbor. Fuck, the entirety of Commorragh itself is situated within the Webway! When Eldar DO travel in the Warp, it is an extremely slow and difficult thing to do, and is only undertaken a few light years at a time. I somehow doubt these people are travelling a few light years. 

When did WalkingMaelstrom put this up again?

March 7th. 2011... 

That was after the release of the current Dark Eldar and Eldar codex. He has no excuse for not doing his research then.

There's also this line:

The crew and Devonar's aides fluttered about attending to their duties, the helmsman humming songs of navigation to help guide the blessed craft through the Webway. 

Now without visuals because YouTube listens to homophobes, the fucking pussies. 

It doesn't help that they follow the Path of the Mariner... 

We are then treated to this wonderful paragraph: 

"Warlock Devonar, I had begun to worry you no longer interested in our company.  I would pain me to be forced to reveal such dour feelings." A gentle bow revealed the flowing blonde locks tucked behind her pulled hair, the warm smile as radiant as the sunlight aboard the craftworld.  For all the mental weariness he had endured as of late, she had a way of lifting the greater woe out of him.  Such was the nature of Elon'waen, Devonar's bodyguard and veteran Howling Banshee.  Fierce, beautiful, dependable, and ultimately loyal.  He had once heard a mon'keigh term known as "damage control" while with their infamous "Inquisition."  It was "damage control" or the mitigation of consequence while disaster was afoot.  He mused to himself that if he was the control, she was certainly the damage, and it humored him to ironically adopt an idiom of such origin, yet he stuck with it.  The blades sheathed upon her hips gave the appearance of surreal spotlessness, but the Warlock knew just how much blood had been spilt by them over the years, beyond quantification.  Of all of the retinue, she was the only one to open have her weapons outside of her robes.  Despite the warring words with Simhoen, she insisted they be that way. 

I dunno about you, Lords and Ladies of the Dark City, but Elon'waen sounds strangely subservient to her "man" too, just like all the other women in this story. Devonar even bold-facedly reflects that he's "the control". But let's play; let's not get ahead of ourselves. Elon'waen is given a chance to prove she isn't a codependent, needy bitch. 

Also, proof-reading is for schmucks. No, really, this part is littered with misspellings, but I won't dwell on that when there are bigger fish to fry. 

Like Elon'waen's independent pose that lasted all of five seconds: 

Being one as ruled by emotions as her, pinpricks railed themselves into her mind.  Like a child deprived of appreciation, she slunk upon her chair with face flat. 

 The only reason she is ruled by emotion, for the edification of the denser of our members, is because she is a woman. An Aspect Warrior knows how to control their emotions. It is when they are lost upon the Path of the Warrior and become Exarchs that their baser instincts take over. And the fact that she starts sulking over the slightest thing does nothing but hammer home that she is needlessly emotional. Because that is how women act, am I right? 

No! We're not letting that go!

Either way, a council begins and we get to know Lyculainn, who is a Warp Spider aspect warrior. The fifth one, Chaun'rith, is not introduced and I do not know whether to feel relieved or annoyed at that. 

WalkingMaelstrom continues to call the Eldar "Asur" even after he removed "Druchii" from his text. What is it with "Eladrith" that eludes you so? The Craftworlders don't presume to name themselves after our (dead) gods! Eldar and Dark Eldar in Warhammer 40,000 speak the same fucking language!

And it would seem another phrase, along with "oh so" that WalkingMaelstrom loves is "ever so". 

  Lyculainn was well on his way to Exarch, but his ascension was voluntarily delayed, vowing to aid his Warlock one more time before he became lost upon the path, unknowing what would become of him on the other side and never being the same towards his comrades again.  Before he subjected himself to the full insanity of his marital craft, it would be his last mission as a mere veteran Spider. 

WalkingMaelstrom, when you die, I will seek out your grave and piss on it. Being lost upon the Path of the Warrior is not something that you delay or something that you actively "ascend" to. It is a gradual change that can take you by surprise, and if you don't remedy the call of Khaine with killing quickly or isolated meditation you'll start murdering your fellow Craftworlders.  Lyculainn being on this ship is a one-way ticket to "POWER BLADES HAPPEN, EVERYBODY DIES".

But my favorite line in there is the unfortunate misspelling of "martial" on that last full line. Yes, Lyculainn, we're sure being an Exarch will be quite the ball-and-chain.

By the way, we still have to find anything actually interesting being discussed in this council. All we get is something about the trail "going cold" which I find highly dubious. A Pathfinder or Ranger can find a specific fart in a Hive City, should they need to. 

So, to solve this, they sit in a circle and perform a seance. 

"Isha, guide us with your light.  Our duties call us to walk down dark and terrible paths.  As your children, watch over us as we do battle with your enemies.  Protect us as we seek to protect all eldar from the horrors of the galaxy and that one day we will be free from our terrible curse."

"Shea nudh Asuryanish ereintha Asuryanat." 

Remember what I said way up there about WalkingMaelstrom informing us that the Eldar are speaking the Eldar language on board an Eldar starship? It gets even sillier when you have these characters speak in the actual tongue, which up until now has been represented by English and the reader's suspension of disbelief. When you have only one species interacting, you don't need any plot convenience translators such as the Babel fish of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or the universal translators of Star Trek, people's imagination do the rest. 

But when you lump an actual piece of writing in the tongue spoken, it throws people out of the experience. It is very common in fan-fiction based on manga, with Naruto being the most obvious example. The pidgin-Japanese becomes hilarious after a while, especially if you know a bit of actual Japanese. 

As for that line up there, it means: May the blessings of Asuryan protect the children of Asuryan from abomination. 

It is the most powerful prayer the Craftworlders have, apparently. 

The council finally gets underway, with reiterations of what we already know and Elon'waen having some slight respect for Space Marine's combat prowess, despite her usual arrogance. Another point towards women only gawking at beef-cake men in Rivals Til Death. 

We are also finally introduced to Chaun'rith, in another huge paragraph of information. Heinlein, this is not. He's a Guardian leader, for the record. So, technically, a civilian. And a farmer, to boot, so of course he is "simplistic" in his wisdom. Is it possible, physically, for WalkingMaelstrom to not write a stereotype? I wonder. 

And what "simplistic wisdom" does Chaun'rith contribute with? 

"The other mon'keigh fallen into slavery for the Dark One would simply murder and harvest.  His abduction of the Bonesinger is of the greater concern, a concern that this human has ulterior motives other than simple worship." 

No shit, Sherlock? This is what Devonar told Cailean, more or less exactly, in part 3 of Retaliation! 

We're then hit with this: 

"Like the depraved sort of work that the degenerates perform upon our own kin, yes?" 

Of COURSE it is Elon'waen that makes this statement, because next to the farmer, the woman is the dullest blade in the rack!

I'll give Maelstrom this much, though: he really stumbled up Lord Vect and I when he edited Divination the other day. We were shocked! Not that I really know what the hell "the degenerates" is meant to refer to now, so I'm caught between being happy he did this and very irritated.

We Dark Eldar are known for our depravities, and that is how we like it, but we do NOT usually attack our Craftworld brothers and sisters. Why?  Because they do a good job in keeping She Who Thirsts busy and because doing so is many times suicide, which we have no interest in, never mind that their agony is the best stave-off of the Hunger. I'm not saying we don't attack Craftworlders - we do. Elon'waen makes it sound as if we do this even at nigh-suicidal odds. No, we don't. That'd be stupid.

As an example, Craftworld Iyanden was helped against Hive Fleet Kraken by the Kabal of the Wraithkind and Cult of the Flayed Hand, so that Iyanden would not be wiped out. Taken, the reason was because the Dark Eldar, rightfully, enjoyed Iyanden's angst-ridden forays into necromancy. What, you thought it'd be done out of the deep soul-felt love we feel for our Craftworld siblings? Ha! 

We do learn that Torturer and his merry band of heathens have been raiding Eldar ships and scouring them clean, despite the fact that they should've been blown out of existence long ago. Especially against something like a cruiser. They can also interact with Eldar technology fairly well, it would seem. I guess it is time to crank out this again: 

 

The council continues, and it becomes obvious to anyone with eyes to see that Chaun'rith is superior in intellect to the one woman present, Elon'waen. Why is this? Because she is a woman. And thus inferior to men in intellect.

We also get to know that Ulthwé has a sun, and that farmers talk like poets in Eldar society. And the conception that Torturer is a special guy, much better than everybody else, continues, oddly enough.

Devonar tries to calm things down, but only gets challenged in return. And apparently Lyculainn knew Devonar had trouble reading the runes. Elon'waen, true to form, is totally surprised at this knowledge. The council comes to an abrupt end as Devonar issues orders to continue investigations, highly annoyed at his subordinates' manners. I can't blame him.

As Devonar leaves the other four, they almost start bickering again, throwing Eldar insults at each other. I admit "eshairr" is pretty untranslatable. Nevermind that the term is never explained for the benefit of the reader, like so much else. Though it is intriguing how much the Craftworlders are at each others' throats in this. In my experience, they live in a meritocracy where everybody fulfils their role, more or less. Disagreements are few and far between.

The council continues with the other four, but we follow Devonar (for the better).

He closed his eyes, and tried to dream, just for a brief moment in the tranquility of solitude.  He slowly formed the picture of the fields of Ulthwé, lush and almost jade in color and beauty.  He let his arms fly up to the air and let the wind blow through his face.  The clouds loomed overhead in a dull grey but he did not care.  For once he relished in something that was not ultimately his controlling.  In tough times he longed for such freedom, the kind Chaun'rith could enjoy in his life. 

Is it only me or does WalkingMaelstrom seem to think that a Craftworld is an actual planet? And not a gigantic, living interstellar ship? Though I've been told they have bio-domes. Doesn't explain the "sun of Ulthwé" that was mentioned earlier, however. 

He is shaken out of his reverie by Elon'waen, who is shocked, just SHOCKED, to know the Warlock has consulted Runes of Seeing. Why is this a bad thing for Warlocks, I must ask. The answer appears to be that he risks being "lost" upon the Path of the Seer, as if that is something bad. As far as I can understand this plot, or whatever passes as plot, that would be the best thing that could happen to Devonar right now. Besides, it is not a sudden change, it is gradual. Or does WalkingMaelstrom think that Farseers happen as suddenly as an anime transformation/power-up?

Either way, Elon'waen and Devonar talk some, and it becomes apparent Elon'waen almost was lost on the Warrior Path at one point. She still manages to come off as a fawning fangirl here, though. No, I do not like her. 

And this has to be one of the worst pieces of writing I have ever seen: 

There was a small pause in their discussion before the Banshee forced speech to course through the air once more. 

 This is a close second though: 

"Mayhap you are right.  Mayhap focus can bless me once more.  Mayhap what you see might be made manifest." 

Seriously, WalkingMaelstrom, you cannot write. Your writing has all the grace and fluidity of a retarded armadillo caught in a rockslide. I cannot give any more examples or try to explain how it is bad. It's like trying to explain that the sky is blue and what taste that color is! 

The stillness is broken by warning klaxons as they come under attack and- 

"WARLOCK!  WE ARE DETECTING OBSTRUCTION WITHIN THE WEBWAY!  SOMETHING HAD CUT THROUGH OUR PATH!" 

Suddenly we lose all sense of grammar?

I said I wouldn't lore-fag, but fuck me, it proved impossible! 

They decide to drop out of the Webway and into realspace (which you can't, you need a portal) to see what it is. Devonar makes for the bridge while Elon'waen "flutters" down the corridor to the living quarters. 

Chaun'rith then appears on the bridge with his 20 Guardians for no reason, really. 

So what caused this? 

"Sir!" One of the crewmen yelled from below.  "We have visual!  It appears to be a mon'keigh vessel!"

"Through the Webway?  Impossible!"

"No, Warlock, it was something else." The Ranger tightly gripped his rifle as he and the other of his retinue soon joined him at the control deck.  "See for yourself, the grave of the human ship." 

There's a significant lack of articles here that reminds me of machine-translated Japanese.

Nevermind the fact that the Ranger, and the Guardians, have no place on the bridge, but on battle-stations, ready to repel boarders. WalkingMaelstrom has never been close to a military sea-faring vessel, I think. And surely he should realize that ships doing anything in space takes time, even for Eldar, not mere minutes to coast around a wrecked hull. It is good to find out the Song of Vengeance is a cruiser, though. More than enough to take out Torturer's dildo-ship, for the record, when they can crunch through human cruisers.

So, what really caused this? 

Simhoen pointed towards the outside, where the faint purple glow of an engine finally decided to reveal itself.  Jet black and adorned with spikes, it screamed out of whatever rat hole it was hiding in, determined to strike at the Eldar cruiser.  

 [...]

 "Steel yourselves, brothers and sisters, our dark cousins have decided to pay us a visit!" 

Oh ho ho ho! My dear, sweet Asdrubael... You are going to have so much fun with the next part. 

Enjoy yourself, honey. 

//L//

PS I am not going to recount and end-cap this, because seriously, fuck all happened in this part, apart from the attack at the end and more fucking character introduction. Besides, I want to write a longer end-cap for part 3 of Divination.

'Til next time, Lords and Ladies.