Divination part 1

In which Lelith tries to recap the story so far before we sidetrack for 3 parts. 


Story: Divination part 1
Author: WalkingMaelstrom

It has now been 3 months since we started this little project of ours, Lord Vect and I. I think it is only fair that we try to recap what has been going on so far, to try to get it straight that we mean what we say in that very little actually happens in this series.

First I want to explain how word count works in the publishing industry. It is not the actual word count you get when using that function in whatever Microsoft Word-clone you use. It is actually a tad more complex than that, but the gist is that as the average word in the English language is 5 letters long, you take the character count and divide by 5... basically. It is also generally understood that a novel is 100,000 words long, give or take some. It can be longer, much longer, like Game of Thrones with its throbbing 300,000+ word count, but it can also be much shorter, see the early Harry Potter novels (although they were aimed at older children/young teens).

Counting words exactly gives us, between Vessel of His Wrath and Rumination part 2, a word count of a bit more than 89,000 words. Using the "industry" way of counting words, we get a bit more than 103,000 words.

To put it another way: we should have at least the same amount of contents as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Do we, though? Let's recap this bitch.

• The first chapter was, in its entirety, a duel between Cailean and Torturer, ending with the Noise Raptor running away. 
• Prelude to the Rapture was entirely about planning a battle, plans we never really saw, with Torturer and Cailean moping before that. And character introductions like there is no tomorrow. 
• Symphony of Chaos was the ensuing skirmish, in which Ashur dies, Moerchen gets possessed, Zekkel loses a leg and Inquisitor Tina is kidnapped (out of the blue, really). 
• Retaliation begins with Cailean and some Eldar Warlock banishing the daemon in Moerchen, before having a council/info-dump about what the slaves of She Who Thrists are actually up to. We also get a mopey Torturer. And Cailean shows that he is actually batshit insane. 
• Interrogation... well... Lady Tina is tortured and revealed to be another codependent princess in distress. And Cailean is questioned. Not much though. We also get another character introduced to us in Aeseryth L'Hyel. 
• Distraction introduces Magos Phoeb, the Stealth Six and Siege Six, as well as the plot-MacGuffin and wishalloy the Shadowbone. Cailean is questioned some more. We also have Inquisitor Tenepht and Lope Angelico at the end. More blasted characters introduced! 
• Rumination is about the Lady Tina being interrogated... again! And being a codependent fucking twat... again! And Cailean is quite probably possessed. Oh, and we sort of get introduced to the completely useless Cath.

And that is it, people. That is all that has happened so far. Some would say it is a fair bit. I would say it is pretty frightening not more has happened in nearly 100,000 words of writing. It feels like we're still building up to some epic story about to happen! Nearly half of what we have so far, some 40,000 words, was the initial fight and the skirmish in Symphony of Chaos. We get a hint of a plot in Retaliation part 3 when the Eldar info-dumps their knowledge of Torturer on Cailean and co. We get an actual plot, or potential for plot, in Distraction with the Shadowbone, as much as I hate to admit it.

Before that, it is merely meandering about, introducing more and more characters I do not give a shit about, as we are told their background and character, instead of having them interact with each other and reveal themselves that way. And when we do get interaction, it is hamfisted and the end result is so far from what I think both WalkingMaelstrom and Torture-Device intended it becomes funny. It does not change the fact that the pacing is all over the place.

Compare that to the aforementioned Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. In that, we get introduced to Harry's muggle family, what muggles are and a host of other weird nomenclature, how the wizarding world works, how magic works, Hogwarts, Harry's basic friends and enemies for the rest of the series (they are quite a few!) and we get to have an adventure that is fairly conclusive on its own, but leaves enough open for the next book. In Rivals Til Death, we are still introducing basic concepts, the plot is in the starting blocks and I have a creeping suspicion we're going to see even more characters introduced. 

But nevertheless, as I stated in Rumination part 1's end-cap, I am now viewing this with fascination rather than scorn. It takes almost retarded levels of dedication to continue writing something like this. I wonder how Inquisitor Tina will escape (as was hinted at in Rumination part 2)? What will happen in the Maelstrom with Torturer and co.? Will they sway the Tyrant? And what about Cailean's rapidly deteriorating mind and his possession?

WalkingMaelstrom, having left us on this (in lack of better words) cliff-hanger, decides that NOW is a good time to remind people that we still should care about the Craftworlders. We last saw Warlock Devonar 5 parts and nearly 40,000 words ago. I figured they just were a plot-delivery device. That was obviously not what WalkingMaelstrom thought. 

I guess that is why all 3 parts of Divination are dedicated solely to the Eldar adventures. 

Warlock Devonar's Wacky Adventures! 

And I solemnly swear to not be too nitpicky about lore-raping in this part, as I leave that for Lord Vect when he deals with the next one. But I have to wonder over this: 

On rare occasions did he attempt to use them [runes of seeing - Lelith's note], secret from everyone else save for his most trusted confidantes, but the Path of the Seer was not his to be lost down. 

 I have a problem with this. I do not know a great lot about the Craftworlder lifestyle, but I do know that a Warlock is already on the Path of the Seer, having previously served as an Aspect Warrior. Unless what WalkingMaelstrom is hinting at is that Devonar is not going to be a Farseer. It is not very clear, see. 

Devonar is having trouble reading the Runes of Seeing, which is strange, as even the lowliest Warlock is far more adept at manipulating the Warp than any mon-keigh. As Vect remarked in Distraction, the main difference between Eldar and Humans is that Eldar are like mathematicians when manipulating the Warp, psychics being part of our nature. Humans simply blunder blindly in all things Warp-related, because it is not as seamless a part of their nature. 

Anyway, the scene culminates in this: 

Arms outward and fingers curled in irritation, he snarled in his native tongue.  "Blasted runes…why do you not aid me?" 

 

Also, I love how WalkingMaelstrom points out that the Eldar Warlock is speaking Eldar on board an Eldar ship. Well, duh! Keep this in mind though for later on. We'll get back to this. 

Devonar is interrupted in his scryings by a voice, that turns out to belong to a Ranger named Simhoen. We also get introduced to the third word that WalkingMaelstrom loves after "nettlesome" and "vitriolic", namely "mayhap". 

And like a certain novelist famous for her misuse of the words "chagrin" and "topaz", WalkingMaelstrom completely misuses these words as well as seemingly only using them to sound smart. It doesn't work, hun. 

Simhoen Hayn'Hann, to give his full name, is a friend of Devonar, as is the Banshee named Elon'waen. I'm noticing a dreaded mark of bad fanfiction right here: random apostrophes in names to make them more mysterious. It is funny, as Devonar lacks that trademark, and true enough, Warlock Devonar belongs to another Deviant tartlet: Protocol-9. In the same Artist's Comment that WalkingMaelstrom reveals that we also get the reason behind this mini-trilogy of stories that completely break-off from the main storyline: 

"It's tricky business, but seeing how 's Warlock seemed too juicy of a character to pass up, it had to be done."

 Not the words of somebody who plans ahead very much, is it? 

But I digress more than this story does. 

Anyway, I bring this up mostly because we then get an info-dump background blurb-thing about Simhoen. He's a Ranger, as said, and a trusted friend of Devonar, as said. At least we now finally see Ulthwé spelled properly. 

And the writing takes a turn for the worse here. WalkingMaelstrom usually avoids silly misspellings by credit of being a native speaker of English, but that doesn't stop him from writing amazingly silly sentences. Like these: 

"It seems that his growling list of enemies did not provide us much, either." 

"Such incredible insight! Mayhap the Farseer path is yours after all." 

And 

"Nevertheless, I can feel that Lyculainn and Chaun'rith have been pursuing me for guidance for some time. It's best I no longer stay aloof." 

So Devonar is called to the control deck of his ship by Simhoen after reflecting over the nature of humans, again. Remember that from Retaliation part 3? I won't harm you, much, if you don't, dearies. 

Aboard the Song of Vengeance, the control deck was an illustrious room of shining white adorned with ruby and black runes to protect its occupants from the horrors outside. 

I know I promised not to nitpick about lore but for fuck's sake! We already went through with this in Distraction! Eldar ships are shielded from the Warp through the material they are made out of: wraithbone. Nevermind that they use the Webway for FTL travel, which means there is precious little "horrors" outside of it, as the Webway, though dilapidated and broken through in places, is still a fairly safe harbor. Fuck, the entirety of Commorragh itself is situated within the Webway! When Eldar DO travel in the Warp, it is an extremely slow and difficult thing to do, and is only undertaken a few light years at a time. I somehow doubt these people are travelling a few light years. 

When did WalkingMaelstrom put this up again?

March 7th. 2011... 

That was after the release of the current Dark Eldar and Eldar codex. He has no excuse for not doing his research then.

There's also this line:

The crew and Devonar's aides fluttered about attending to their duties, the helmsman humming songs of navigation to help guide the blessed craft through the Webway. 

Now without visuals because YouTube listens to homophobes, the fucking pussies. 

It doesn't help that they follow the Path of the Mariner... 

We are then treated to this wonderful paragraph: 

"Warlock Devonar, I had begun to worry you no longer interested in our company.  I would pain me to be forced to reveal such dour feelings." A gentle bow revealed the flowing blonde locks tucked behind her pulled hair, the warm smile as radiant as the sunlight aboard the craftworld.  For all the mental weariness he had endured as of late, she had a way of lifting the greater woe out of him.  Such was the nature of Elon'waen, Devonar's bodyguard and veteran Howling Banshee.  Fierce, beautiful, dependable, and ultimately loyal.  He had once heard a mon'keigh term known as "damage control" while with their infamous "Inquisition."  It was "damage control" or the mitigation of consequence while disaster was afoot.  He mused to himself that if he was the control, she was certainly the damage, and it humored him to ironically adopt an idiom of such origin, yet he stuck with it.  The blades sheathed upon her hips gave the appearance of surreal spotlessness, but the Warlock knew just how much blood had been spilt by them over the years, beyond quantification.  Of all of the retinue, she was the only one to open have her weapons outside of her robes.  Despite the warring words with Simhoen, she insisted they be that way. 

I dunno about you, Lords and Ladies of the Dark City, but Elon'waen sounds strangely subservient to her "man" too, just like all the other women in this story. Devonar even bold-facedly reflects that he's "the control". But let's play; let's not get ahead of ourselves. Elon'waen is given a chance to prove she isn't a codependent, needy bitch. 

Also, proof-reading is for schmucks. No, really, this part is littered with misspellings, but I won't dwell on that when there are bigger fish to fry. 

Like Elon'waen's independent pose that lasted all of five seconds: 

Being one as ruled by emotions as her, pinpricks railed themselves into her mind.  Like a child deprived of appreciation, she slunk upon her chair with face flat. 

 The only reason she is ruled by emotion, for the edification of the denser of our members, is because she is a woman. An Aspect Warrior knows how to control their emotions. It is when they are lost upon the Path of the Warrior and become Exarchs that their baser instincts take over. And the fact that she starts sulking over the slightest thing does nothing but hammer home that she is needlessly emotional. Because that is how women act, am I right? 

No! We're not letting that go!

Either way, a council begins and we get to know Lyculainn, who is a Warp Spider aspect warrior. The fifth one, Chaun'rith, is not introduced and I do not know whether to feel relieved or annoyed at that. 

WalkingMaelstrom continues to call the Eldar "Asur" even after he removed "Druchii" from his text. What is it with "Eladrith" that eludes you so? The Craftworlders don't presume to name themselves after our (dead) gods! Eldar and Dark Eldar in Warhammer 40,000 speak the same fucking language!

And it would seem another phrase, along with "oh so" that WalkingMaelstrom loves is "ever so". 

  Lyculainn was well on his way to Exarch, but his ascension was voluntarily delayed, vowing to aid his Warlock one more time before he became lost upon the path, unknowing what would become of him on the other side and never being the same towards his comrades again.  Before he subjected himself to the full insanity of his marital craft, it would be his last mission as a mere veteran Spider. 

WalkingMaelstrom, when you die, I will seek out your grave and piss on it. Being lost upon the Path of the Warrior is not something that you delay or something that you actively "ascend" to. It is a gradual change that can take you by surprise, and if you don't remedy the call of Khaine with killing quickly or isolated meditation you'll start murdering your fellow Craftworlders.  Lyculainn being on this ship is a one-way ticket to "POWER BLADES HAPPEN, EVERYBODY DIES".

But my favorite line in there is the unfortunate misspelling of "martial" on that last full line. Yes, Lyculainn, we're sure being an Exarch will be quite the ball-and-chain.

By the way, we still have to find anything actually interesting being discussed in this council. All we get is something about the trail "going cold" which I find highly dubious. A Pathfinder or Ranger can find a specific fart in a Hive City, should they need to. 

So, to solve this, they sit in a circle and perform a seance. 

"Isha, guide us with your light.  Our duties call us to walk down dark and terrible paths.  As your children, watch over us as we do battle with your enemies.  Protect us as we seek to protect all eldar from the horrors of the galaxy and that one day we will be free from our terrible curse."

"Shea nudh Asuryanish ereintha Asuryanat." 

Remember what I said way up there about WalkingMaelstrom informing us that the Eldar are speaking the Eldar language on board an Eldar starship? It gets even sillier when you have these characters speak in the actual tongue, which up until now has been represented by English and the reader's suspension of disbelief. When you have only one species interacting, you don't need any plot convenience translators such as the Babel fish of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or the universal translators of Star Trek, people's imagination do the rest. 

But when you lump an actual piece of writing in the tongue spoken, it throws people out of the experience. It is very common in fan-fiction based on manga, with Naruto being the most obvious example. The pidgin-Japanese becomes hilarious after a while, especially if you know a bit of actual Japanese. 

As for that line up there, it means: May the blessings of Asuryan protect the children of Asuryan from abomination. 

It is the most powerful prayer the Craftworlders have, apparently. 

The council finally gets underway, with reiterations of what we already know and Elon'waen having some slight respect for Space Marine's combat prowess, despite her usual arrogance. Another point towards women only gawking at beef-cake men in Rivals Til Death. 

We are also finally introduced to Chaun'rith, in another huge paragraph of information. Heinlein, this is not. He's a Guardian leader, for the record. So, technically, a civilian. And a farmer, to boot, so of course he is "simplistic" in his wisdom. Is it possible, physically, for WalkingMaelstrom to not write a stereotype? I wonder. 

And what "simplistic wisdom" does Chaun'rith contribute with? 

"The other mon'keigh fallen into slavery for the Dark One would simply murder and harvest.  His abduction of the Bonesinger is of the greater concern, a concern that this human has ulterior motives other than simple worship." 

No shit, Sherlock? This is what Devonar told Cailean, more or less exactly, in part 3 of Retaliation! 

We're then hit with this: 

"Like the depraved sort of work that the degenerates perform upon our own kin, yes?" 

Of COURSE it is Elon'waen that makes this statement, because next to the farmer, the woman is the dullest blade in the rack!

I'll give Maelstrom this much, though: he really stumbled up Lord Vect and I when he edited Divination the other day. We were shocked! Not that I really know what the hell "the degenerates" is meant to refer to now, so I'm caught between being happy he did this and very irritated.

We Dark Eldar are known for our depravities, and that is how we like it, but we do NOT usually attack our Craftworld brothers and sisters. Why?  Because they do a good job in keeping She Who Thirsts busy and because doing so is many times suicide, which we have no interest in, never mind that their agony is the best stave-off of the Hunger. I'm not saying we don't attack Craftworlders - we do. Elon'waen makes it sound as if we do this even at nigh-suicidal odds. No, we don't. That'd be stupid.

As an example, Craftworld Iyanden was helped against Hive Fleet Kraken by the Kabal of the Wraithkind and Cult of the Flayed Hand, so that Iyanden would not be wiped out. Taken, the reason was because the Dark Eldar, rightfully, enjoyed Iyanden's angst-ridden forays into necromancy. What, you thought it'd be done out of the deep soul-felt love we feel for our Craftworld siblings? Ha! 

We do learn that Torturer and his merry band of heathens have been raiding Eldar ships and scouring them clean, despite the fact that they should've been blown out of existence long ago. Especially against something like a cruiser. They can also interact with Eldar technology fairly well, it would seem. I guess it is time to crank out this again: 

 

The council continues, and it becomes obvious to anyone with eyes to see that Chaun'rith is superior in intellect to the one woman present, Elon'waen. Why is this? Because she is a woman. And thus inferior to men in intellect.

We also get to know that Ulthwé has a sun, and that farmers talk like poets in Eldar society. And the conception that Torturer is a special guy, much better than everybody else, continues, oddly enough.

Devonar tries to calm things down, but only gets challenged in return. And apparently Lyculainn knew Devonar had trouble reading the runes. Elon'waen, true to form, is totally surprised at this knowledge. The council comes to an abrupt end as Devonar issues orders to continue investigations, highly annoyed at his subordinates' manners. I can't blame him.

As Devonar leaves the other four, they almost start bickering again, throwing Eldar insults at each other. I admit "eshairr" is pretty untranslatable. Nevermind that the term is never explained for the benefit of the reader, like so much else. Though it is intriguing how much the Craftworlders are at each others' throats in this. In my experience, they live in a meritocracy where everybody fulfils their role, more or less. Disagreements are few and far between.

The council continues with the other four, but we follow Devonar (for the better).

He closed his eyes, and tried to dream, just for a brief moment in the tranquility of solitude.  He slowly formed the picture of the fields of Ulthwé, lush and almost jade in color and beauty.  He let his arms fly up to the air and let the wind blow through his face.  The clouds loomed overhead in a dull grey but he did not care.  For once he relished in something that was not ultimately his controlling.  In tough times he longed for such freedom, the kind Chaun'rith could enjoy in his life. 

Is it only me or does WalkingMaelstrom seem to think that a Craftworld is an actual planet? And not a gigantic, living interstellar ship? Though I've been told they have bio-domes. Doesn't explain the "sun of Ulthwé" that was mentioned earlier, however. 

He is shaken out of his reverie by Elon'waen, who is shocked, just SHOCKED, to know the Warlock has consulted Runes of Seeing. Why is this a bad thing for Warlocks, I must ask. The answer appears to be that he risks being "lost" upon the Path of the Seer, as if that is something bad. As far as I can understand this plot, or whatever passes as plot, that would be the best thing that could happen to Devonar right now. Besides, it is not a sudden change, it is gradual. Or does WalkingMaelstrom think that Farseers happen as suddenly as an anime transformation/power-up?

Either way, Elon'waen and Devonar talk some, and it becomes apparent Elon'waen almost was lost on the Warrior Path at one point. She still manages to come off as a fawning fangirl here, though. No, I do not like her. 

And this has to be one of the worst pieces of writing I have ever seen: 

There was a small pause in their discussion before the Banshee forced speech to course through the air once more. 

 This is a close second though: 

"Mayhap you are right.  Mayhap focus can bless me once more.  Mayhap what you see might be made manifest." 

Seriously, WalkingMaelstrom, you cannot write. Your writing has all the grace and fluidity of a retarded armadillo caught in a rockslide. I cannot give any more examples or try to explain how it is bad. It's like trying to explain that the sky is blue and what taste that color is! 

The stillness is broken by warning klaxons as they come under attack and- 

"WARLOCK!  WE ARE DETECTING OBSTRUCTION WITHIN THE WEBWAY!  SOMETHING HAD CUT THROUGH OUR PATH!" 

Suddenly we lose all sense of grammar?

I said I wouldn't lore-fag, but fuck me, it proved impossible! 

They decide to drop out of the Webway and into realspace (which you can't, you need a portal) to see what it is. Devonar makes for the bridge while Elon'waen "flutters" down the corridor to the living quarters. 

Chaun'rith then appears on the bridge with his 20 Guardians for no reason, really. 

So what caused this? 

"Sir!" One of the crewmen yelled from below.  "We have visual!  It appears to be a mon'keigh vessel!"

"Through the Webway?  Impossible!"

"No, Warlock, it was something else." The Ranger tightly gripped his rifle as he and the other of his retinue soon joined him at the control deck.  "See for yourself, the grave of the human ship." 

There's a significant lack of articles here that reminds me of machine-translated Japanese.

Nevermind the fact that the Ranger, and the Guardians, have no place on the bridge, but on battle-stations, ready to repel boarders. WalkingMaelstrom has never been close to a military sea-faring vessel, I think. And surely he should realize that ships doing anything in space takes time, even for Eldar, not mere minutes to coast around a wrecked hull. It is good to find out the Song of Vengeance is a cruiser, though. More than enough to take out Torturer's dildo-ship, for the record, when they can crunch through human cruisers.

So, what really caused this? 

Simhoen pointed towards the outside, where the faint purple glow of an engine finally decided to reveal itself.  Jet black and adorned with spikes, it screamed out of whatever rat hole it was hiding in, determined to strike at the Eldar cruiser.  

 [...]

 "Steel yourselves, brothers and sisters, our dark cousins have decided to pay us a visit!" 

Oh ho ho ho! My dear, sweet Asdrubael... You are going to have so much fun with the next part. 

Enjoy yourself, honey. 

//L//

PS I am not going to recount and end-cap this, because seriously, fuck all happened in this part, apart from the attack at the end and more fucking character introduction. Besides, I want to write a longer end-cap for part 3 of Divination.

'Til next time, Lords and Ladies.