Peregrination part 2

In which Lelith finally laughs out loud.


Story: Peregrination part 2
Author: SemperFiTRex/WalkingMaelstrom

Quoth Hamlet: Words words words.

First, I want to point out that WalkingMaelstrom (and we will call him that until we figure out a way to make fun out of SemperFiTRex) found this following YouTube clip of music suitable to listen to while reading Peregrination part 2.

The immediate question when listening to this highly atmospheric piece of ERA-knock off music is whether the writing is even a tiny part as epic as this makes it sound to be.    Does anyone want to venture a guess?...

Here's a hint: It isn't. 
The trend of expository fucking dialogue continues, as the scene takes up immediately after the end of Peregrination part 1. Dinotus has a long talk with Cailean, which manages to do two things: one predictably WalkingMaelstrom, one a little more left-field. 

"What you are witnessing is a grander cycle. What you see is our realm, the realm of humanity, the one realm of life and death that is ours to protect. The galaxy itself is an enigma, doubtless, and only the Emperor could fully understand it. What you see out there is a future. Some will say the time of ending is near, but I dismiss such things. There will always be a future as long as there are humans like us there to stand firm against any encroaching darkness. I say this because despite what has transpired before, there is a future of your own, Cailean."

He turned to Dinotus, puzzled as he should have been. Despite the centuries under his tutelage, sometimes the Chief Librarian spoke in manners that still left him in question. "Wh-what do you mean?"

Dinotus smiled with pride. "Cailean, your heart has been heavy since you were a boy and I had plucked you from that small world. Troubles plague you now and it does not take a mind such as mine to know this. Since the contact with that monster, you have been increasingly violent in tone. That heavy heart you had with the memories of your family long gone or friends departed, but now with grief and anger fivefold. The Codicier merely asked you of your knowledge of the Sisters and you seemed ready to deliver a blow to his face."

"Intentions or not, the tone would garner such action."

"Just like the boy, Verdius? Just like him, Cailean?"

 The predictable one is the aforementioned expository dialogue. I just don't understand why WalkingMaelstrom thinks it necessary to remind people again and fucking again about things the reader, if (s)he has any sense, remembers without difficulty. And the funny thing is I wouldn't be half as mad if he just struck a consistent tone with this, but as we are utterly left in the dark on random subjects, this just comes off as WalkingMaelstrom assuming his readers are idiots, rather than the other way around. 

The left-field thing that happens here is that we get some genuine character interaction. It is buried underneath the exposition, sure, but it is there. 

Let Lelith explain how this works. And yet not. 

What this dialogue shows is that Dinotus does indeed know something is wrong with Cailean, and tells him straight up about this, hoping Cailean will open himself up and explain what bothers him (I am currently ignoring the gigantic lore raping taking place -- that is saved for later). Not that that happens, mind. But it does show that yes, despite the pedo-tastic vibes one got last part, what with Dinotus being referred to as "father" by the other Librarians, he is still the Only Sane Employee here. 

So how is this character interaction and not just awful writing? 

Because this scene could not have taken place with any other characters in this series. Or any other characters in 40k, period. It can not take place between, say, Captain Sicarius and Chief Librarian Tigurius, because Sicarius is vain, yes, but not bat-shit insane and possibly possessed. It was the same thing with that small scene between Malexis and Zekkel in Rumination part 1. It too could not have taken place between any other characters and that is how you spot it. 

Character interaction, proper character interaction, is when two or more characters interact in some manner, whether they are talking, fighting or fucking doesn't matter -- in A Song of Ice and Fire there are instances when all three happen at the same time -- but they can only happen in that manner between a set configuration of people. I know Vect spoke of the grim darkness of 40k and how its definition is that a human life more or less doesn't matter, but to make a story interesting in that kind of setting, you are hard-pressed to make people actually care about your characters. 

And thus we stumble on another of Rivals Til Death's problems. One of its many, many problems. 

I don't give a rat's ass about any of the characters involved, because of the severe lack of real character interaction. We usually get Person X telling Y plot-point B or C, so then A can happen or be prevented. They are all interchangeable. The scenes between Judias and Tina could as well have happened between Tenepht and Chao or any other configuration, really. Very little in the dialogue would have to be changed. It doesn't of course change the fact that 90 % of the dialogue in this is needless expository padding. 

It was an issue already in Vessel of His Wrath. Hell, it was such an issue that I entertained myself with exchanging Cailean for Tigurius and Torturer for Zso Sahaal. It became much more epic. Still ass in pure terms of writing quality, but my point stands. 

No doubt helped along by this piece by Torture-Device.

Also, I want to bring attention again to this: 

"Just like the boy, Verdius?  Just like him, Cailean?" 

I could be a dick and ask where Verdius entered the scene, but I find it much more fun to point out that Verdius is a 50-year-old man still being referred to as a boy. Nevermind that Space Marines mature faster than normal humans. And I love how WalkingMaelstrom seems to think that a Tactical Marine is what you become immediately after Scout training. Say what you will about Matt Ward (and I do), but changing the lore on that point was something that made sense. It was also done in 2008, so WalkingMaelstrom has no excuse. 

The little sliver of hope we saw what with proper character interaction is swiftly derailed as we head in Gary Stu-town once again, in a nice blurb of expository writing. 

Dinotus chuckled.  "You do not spend hundreds of years being the best friend of the Chapter Master and not learn a few things about him and his nature.  He has certainly taken your case, and ours, into account.  Injustice was indeed suffered when Netrine III was put to the torch, our final actions relieving us of the role of callous butcher.  He nor I have forgotten that.  Our chapter hails itself for its duty to protect the core of the Imperium, and with you leading the way towards the one called Torturer, we have set ourselves to liberate and defend other worlds along our path."

"And…what you are saying is…?"

"Cailean, my son, the chapter has long thirsted for its true purpose.  With the continuous harassment of the Ordo Xenos before, we were forced to rebuild ourselves for over thirty years of waiting.  While actions have been limited in the mean, yes, we were awaiting a spark to rally our brothers into a truly righteous and infallible cause." His index finger thumped on Cailean's armored chest.  "You, Cailean, are that spark.  Triumph and failure have met you and sometimes in conjunction, but it is this and what has been brought to our doorstep that has finally given the chapter reason to move!" 

 Yes, everything centers around Cailean. Obviously.

Also, this entry does wonderfully convey a thing we already are aware of: that WalkingMaelstrom doesn't know what makes Space Marines Space Marines: psycho-indoctrination and the fact that they always have purpose and don't sit around twiddling their thumbs, because they are LIVING WEAPONS!

I get the distinct feeling that WalkingMaelstrom seems to think the "Marine" in "Space Marine" refers to this kind of Marine:

Bladdi-bladdi-blah, the scene continues, Dinotus continues to stroke Cailean's already out-sized ego, revealing that the Imperial Paladins have been planning a "crusade" for a long while, because of course. WalkingMaelstrom, you can't replace an ass-pull with another ass-pull.

 He was rather puzzled by the sudden revelation that plans were set in motion well before his initial run-in with the Flawless Host.  The situation he was in had somehow become juxtaposition for his chapter and for the Chief Librarian, just with that one statement from Dinotus himself. 

Plot does NOT work like that! There was no reason prior to Cailean's fisticuffs with Torturer for the Imperial Paladins to care about the Sick/Stealth/Siege Sixes, because no mention is ever made when Cailean returns about Torturer's warband being a blight upon whatever region of Imperial space that the Imperial Paladins are saddled with protecting. Also, I don't think juxtaposition can be used like that. 

The scene ends on something that can only be called a friendlier version of Cailean and Dinotus's talk at the end of Interrogation part 1. Why do I get the feeling WalkingMaelstrom wanted to one-up Torture-Device's writing and show how these two characters are supposed to interact. Sadly that gets drowned in the river of shit that is this man's so-called writing. 

"As you will, Father Dinotus, and thank you." Rising from his bow, he turned back to the bridge where he would seek his own quarters.  As he turned from the back of Dinotus, he closed his eyes and spoke once more.  "Thank you Father."

He was met with a sigh of satisfaction.  

So it does not help that this scene makes me think Cailean made Dinotus come. 

We then stumble over to Cailean sitting alone in his quarters. He is talking to himself, it would seem. 

"Seo, Haruch, Verdius, Father Dinotus, Chapter Master…they will all depend on me.  The future is with me.  The future is for all those I must protect.  Trust amongst friends, loyalty to the chapter, guardianship of the defenseless and innocent, clarity in mind and purpose.  I will uphold all.  Control myself, my emotion, my anger.  I will suffer no trespass." 

 We all know where this is going, don't we, Lords and Ladies? 

But before that, we get a lovely image of Torturer tea-bagging corpses: 

His eyes rolled to the back of his mind and mouth grimacing in some sort of invisible torture.  The walls started to darken and the lights grew dim and spastic with their flickerings.  He could hear the laughing of the masked heretic and his mocking gestures upon the corpses of those Imperial stormtroopers and his Devastator.  He could hear the laughing of the Sick Six around him too, of the daemons and the cultists. 

Imagine his sweaty balls dipping into your innards. I think I just puked a little in my mouth.

Never mind Cailean grimacing like an idiot. 

Anyone with two brain-cells to rub together to form a thought now realizes Cailean is again talking to the daemon-voice in his head. And what it does is only further reinforce that Cailean is a massive Gary-Stu. How? By insisting that Cailean is just a precious misunderstood snowflake, who shouldn't be troubling himself with thoughts of guilt and so on and so forth. You know, "Everyone else is wrong, so kill them!". That kind of evil voice. Yeah... 

I know I already tried to inject some sense in this by explaining, at length, how character interaction works, but I am Her Excellency Lady Hesperax, so I will soap-box as much as I like. As this scene is dull dull dull, I will try to show how Cailean having a daemon in his head could have been used to make a better plot, or a plot. Period. 

As has been indicated several times in this series, Torturer is a former servant of Khorne gone Slaanesh. These two Chaos gods do NOT get along, so one losing a champion to the other is a serious offence that must be rectified. Cailean's deteriorating mind, a consequence of his unravelling psycho-indoctrination, combined with his naturally short fuse, would have made him a prime choice for Khorne as a means of retribution, once Torturer crossed his path. Thus marked, Cailean's psychic powers would start to vane as Khorne claimed more and more of his soul, in exchange making him a faster, stronger and better warrior, as Khorne doesn't care for psykers. It would also have injected some actual drama into the story, in that at some point Cailean's companions, fuck, maybe even the Lady Inquisitor Tina, would become aware of what was happening to him and in the end try to stop Cailean as well as Torturer. 

I know, contrived as all hell, but I just thought that up out of the blue. Taking some time, it would have been a half-decent plot. The trouble is I am completely convinced neither WalkingMaelstrom nor Torture-Device even gave this a thought, as neither of them understand the Warhammer 40k setting very well and seem to gleefully ignore that the Chaos gods are active players on the field. 

Which is very strange, considering that little fact is key to why both the Horus Heresy and The Fall of the Eldar even happened... 

I'm getting off my soap-box, and back to the recapping. 

The Hall had found itself in a surreal brilliance, quite the comparison to the previous gathering by which dark and even darker news had been brought to the forefront of the Imperial Paladins battle barge by the Ordo Malleus.  Chapter Master Quintus stood, adorned in his ceremonial armor and surrounded by his veteran Honor Guard, Captain Orrin Zerev of the First Company, Chief Librarian Dinotus, and Master of Sanctity Leonir Kunz, Quintus standing as titan amongst the Space Marines present.  Familiars and skull probes fluttered about overhead with incense and banners depicting the glory of the chapter.  The audio servitors had blared with the familiar chorus of chants and religious prayers to the Emperor, as each company of the Imperial Paladins were in formation, half the numbers as representatives including Captain Appolus of the Second Company, Captain Relys of the Third, Tylan of the Fifth, Sophos of the Tenth, and the legendary dreadnoughts Otule and Olvaris.  

Oh, this scene is surreal, alright! Almost the entire chapter, gathered together on board one ship, the battle barge Rolan Valentis. Tactical genius! Also, those dreadnoughts are so legendary, that they are never mentioned again. Instead, the "Dread" that will accompany Cailean on his little mission is one named Feuerbras, a name that makes me think of brassieres made of fire. Either way, that particular vehicle-man-thing is not there, and instead we get a background blurb about the other dreadnoughts. 

We also get more descriptive dissonance with this: 

Chapter Master Quintus finally rose from his chair, the titan amongst men, and raised his arms to envelop the entire chapter within his embrace. 

First Quintus was standing and now suddenly he is sitting down and must rise. Are you seriously suggesting, WalkingMaelstrom, that you have so little an idea of what the fuck you are doing, that you forget what your own characters are doing between paragraphs? Jesus cock-sucking Christ! 

Quintus rose to hold a speech and that he does. It is delivered as the, without a doubt, longest fucking wall of text I have EVER had the misfortune to clap my eyes on! Just... just see for yourselves!

"Hear me, brothers, for I speak for all of us from our minds, hearts, and souls!  Today is truly one with the Emperor's blessing!  It is our day!  For too long we have remained upon the sidelines of the great war our brothers and sisters fight, pushed by those who call us suspect for simply doing our duty!" The reference to the Inquisition was as subtle as a sledgehammer, but it did its task in motivation.  "I remind you, brothers, or our tireless work upon the now-dead world of Netrine III, where we fought back the vile alien horde.  We fought with honor, with pride, and with dedication!  Despite the naysayers and those who sought to punish us for what they unjustly saw as insubordination," the last word of utter mockery towards the Ordo Xenos Inquisitor whom he bested verbally, "we made a difference!  Remember, brothers, the faces of those in tatters and hobbled together like scared children.  Remember their faces, brothers, faces of grief, trauma, loss, but also faces of joy, of gratitude, and of hope!  Hundreds of thousands of them…men, women, and children, lives rescued by the very bravery we Imperial Paladins brought to the front!  Some of these faces, you see amongst us today, carry obligation they felt owed with their induction into our chapter."  Cailean, while with the Fourth Company, watched the face of young Verdius shine upon the mention.  He let out a half-smile seeing the boy's pride.  "We will not be callous butchers to our own, nor will we ever!  We will not let naysayers force us to fade into obscurity when the stars, oh the stars shine ever so bright for our chapter!"  Again he was met with thunderous applause and chanting.  When it died down, he continued to speak, pacing slowly back and forth from his elevated altar to make sure all heard him.  Upon his ascension, long ago, many had made jest that he'd be more fit for a Chaplain given his oratory skills, but where his voice carried influence his battle prowess carried even more, but even the Master of Sanctity himself  had pressed him for greater leadership.  "Brothers, we have experienced triumph and tragedy in the past few weeks.  We mourn the loss of one of our own," a moment of silence passed to remember the fallen Devastator they fought with and cared for, "but no death shall be in vain.  Our chapter, our glorious chapter, has been beset by the mechanizations of the heretic, the filth that dares call itself Astartes after they betrayed the Emperor's light so long ago in their weakness!  The vile warband that scours the stars has dared to affront our chapter, our brothers, our Imperium!  Doubtless you have heard and seen what has transpired these past few weeks, and doubtless you have heard one word in particular that we as Imperial Paladins strive for once more since Netrine…one word that should bring fire into your hearts…" 

In the printout version of this that I made, that was over a page long on itself. It looked horrendous there, and it looks horrendous in Blogger too! 

I also love how the death of one battle brother has turned the entire chapter mopey. Grief of Ashur's loss should not have extended beyond his squad-mates, possibly to his captain, but the entire chapter? They're Space Marines! Their highest wish is to die in service to the Emperor, killing His enemies. 

I mean, if this is how they react to one guy dying, I think this whole crusade thing is a BAD IDEA, as people... you know... DIE in wars! I just... GAH! It makes no sense! I know Vect and I say that a lot, but this manages to make less sense than all the other things. It makes so little sense, I will leave it. 

Verdius was still in awe striding down The Hall towards the Chapter Master himself.  Never in his short life as a Space Marine did he ever imagine himself approaching the mightiest of the chapter.  The brothers he had trained and learned with all stood at his side, cheering and grinning widely with enthusiasm.  This is what he had dreamed since an initiate and now he was amongst the chosen to be the vanguard. 

Will you please stop treating the seasoned warrior, the 50-year-old man, like a fucking teeenager, kthxbai.

 So, Cailean and Captain Karien of 4th company march in with these schmucks and... why is Haruch wearing a helmet, and Lope not?

Lope's heart also quickened.  He had never thought this in his life as a Devastator either.  Walking past the companies, he quickly glanced at Dicrez and Ine, a subtle nod given to him in reply.  A grimace covered his face.

"Something wrong, Angelico?" Haruch asked through his white helmet. 

 I guess it is because WalkingMaelstrom realized he had never given a physical description of Haruch's features and decided to cover that fact up quite literally. Sadly, no one gives a fuck about what the apothecary looks like by now.

The group walks up to Quintus and Dinotus to receive blessings and ritual. Heading this is a Chaplain named Kunz. And what he does is without a doubt the single most hilarious thing in Rivals 'Til Death so far.

Master Kunz approached and with thumbs crossed, pressed into the forehead of the captain leaving blackened soot in the form of the Aquila.  He then bellowed with the tempestuous voice that gave him the command presense so very deserved amongst his peers.  "Brother Karien, I imbue upon you the blessed ashes of our chapter, for the fallen that have taken their place alongside the Emperor, for all we have lost from within and without the chapter, and like the phoenix of legend they shall rise and consume all who stand against us in holy fire.  May you lead our brothers without fear, without hesistation, and without remorse for the traitor."  He reached for the ornate aspersorium resting upon the altar near Quintus, grabbing the aspergillum inside, crafted with gold and the inscriptions of the Reclusiam past and present.  With this he splashed the purified water upon the face and armor of the captain.  "Ave Imperator.  May the Emperor guide you and your brothers to victory." 

 Read that, and tell me it doesn't make you think of this guy:

What the hell is "hesistation" by the way? 
Either way, after Ultimate Chaplain has splashed Captain Karien in the face, something that just makes me think of golden showers, Kunz continues doing this, yelling people in the face and splashing pee-water on them, going down the line and it all amounts to something that is just hilariously funny. A far cry from the high ritual and sense of solemnity that WalkingMaelstrom was aiming for. 
Here's a small tip to make certain your solemn scenes hold together: Don't include a shouting loony in them. 

Kunz had proceeded down the line, splashing the holy water upon each member of the Fourth Company present.  Meanwhile, Cailean looked back upon the altar and to the Chief Librarian.

"Father Dinotus…"

"You had once said you were told that your life would find a moment of a greater purpose, Cailean.  Those who spoke such words were not mistaken.  You are a champion amongst us, Epistolary.  Be wary of yourself and of the threat without, and above all else, protect your brothers and the innocent.  Find Torturer, destroy him and his warband, and safeguard the souls of all the heretic would seek to consume.  This task is greater than any you could have ever imagined and your soul is now more under threat than ever before.  Trust in your friends and in the Emperor, Cailean.  Doubts persist, Epistolary, but remember one thing.  I above all others place my faith and confidence in you and your ability to lead us to glory.  Protect those who are without shield and let not innocent lives be destroyed by the hand of treason.  Every life is important.  Do you understand?"

I think this conversation is supposed to be telepathic, but there is no indication that it is so anywhere, so Cailean and Dinotus are just talking to each other in italics. And Dinotus, wisely understanding Cailean is a dull blade in the rack, reiterates his advice from a "cycle" earlier.  

With that said, there is some more not-so-solemn shouting and praising and swellings of prides (nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean?) and we then switch to some time later, on board the Lux et Veritas.  Their destination, or first stop, is the STILL UNNAMED backwater planet that they found Inquisitor Tina on. 

Cailean and Captain Karien, who we have never heard of before, have some much needed interaction and it is quickly revealed that Karien is a real soldier-type guy, mind like a laser and all that crap. 

And he has black dreadlocked hair. 

Dreadlocks. 

The two share this scene, which reveals Cailean as an uninventive hack and Karien as having half a brain and actually behaving like Adeptus Astartes. 

"Before I left, the Chief Librarian had spoken to me with words that I wish to share with you.  What do you see out there?"

"Out there?" Karien cocked an eyebrow.  "I see the stars, systems of planets upon the horizon."

"Yes but…what else do you see?  Do you know what?  The future, Karien," His hand swept across the horizon of the cosmos as if it was a pool of water, "out there for us and for the Imperium.  We are the vanguard of the crusade, yes?  What is this crusade for, we wonder?  This crusade is about protecting that future.  Every world, every system, ever inch of this galaxy we set foot on will be under our aegis or our holy wrath should anyone or anything stand in our way.  But we as Imperial Paladins have always been the aegis of the innocent, the 'Knights of Humanity.'  It is not just about our future, brother, but also for the future of mankind's generations.  Do you understand?"

Karien paused for a while, musing upon the words Cailean ushered as influenced by Dinotus.  Nodding, he replied softly, "Yes…yes I do understand.  But do you know what I also see out there, Brother Cailean?"

"Yes?" 

"The enemy. I see the enemy in false belief that he has shelter and that he has the advantage. I see the enemy plotting and scheming against us, against the Imperium, against innocent men, women, and children. I then see us, the spear, the vanguard, the parry and thrust upon him. We are the fatal strike. That is what I see when I gaze upon the stars, Cailean. I see the enemy and his end of existence." 

Doesn't change jack fuck that we get character interaction here as it is atrociously written. 

They are interrupted by an ALL CAPS vox-blare because two men sharing a moment is a big no-no in the world of Rivals 'Til Death! 

"ATTENTION, ALL BATTLE-BROTHERS AND CREWMEMBERS!  WARP JUMP IN TWENTY MINUTES!  RETURN TO YOUR DESIGNATION STATIONS!" 

A misspelled ALL CAPS blare... Cripes. You know, I thought, what with WalkingMaelstrom's insane way of punctuating things in Egression, that we now were safe from ALL CAPS. Sucks to be Lelith, I guess.  

We end this part with Dinotus worrying over Cailean, and Quintus telling him not to because what could possibly go wrong with sending a documented mentally unstable man to chase Chaos worshippers? 

______________________________________________ 

I have in this part tried to avoid commenting too much on spelling and grammar errors or stupid word-choices, or inflated word economy, because frankly, it is all over the place. The writing seldom gets more than plain awful. See Vect's Uwe Boll comparison.

There is also the very real story of Blogger eating and digesting and deleting the original version I wrote of this recap. That is why this part lacks some of the jokes I originally made; it is sort of written out of frustration and is actually LONGER than the original. I apologize for that. No, really.

Unlike WalkingMaelstrom, we do not want to bore you into a coma.

And I mean it when I say that seems to be the man's intent. I know we've had some movement forward with these last few parts, but I glanced at the next few, and it seems we are about to go meanderin' again. 

For 8 parts. 

Glory be... 

//L