Altercation part 3

In which our Mistress has a serious moment amidst softcore porn. 

Story: Altercation part 3 and Altercation part 3.5
Author: Semtex/Walking-Maelstrom

Well, shit. Here I go trying to find a fun nickname for our talentless hack, and he goes and changes his name back! All that mental strain to no use. Thanks for nothing, you useless mammal.

So, "what is this?" I hear you ask.

"Why are there are two links up there?" We found it's because DevianTART has this silly system that limits the size of text submissions to 64kb. One can only guess why they put it at 64kb -- most likely it's a computer thing -- but it does force authors to think twice before posting long stories. Or should, in the best of all possible worlds.

Not so in the case of Walking-Maelstrom.

Instead of taking the hint and understanding that perhaps this chapter should see the scissors of an editor, he bitches and moans about it, splitting this bloated monstrosity into a two-parter ingeniously called Altercation part 3 and Altercation part 3.5.

In other words: he behaves exactly like the typical Tartlet.

As we saw last part, Razorwire is now FINALLY fighting the Orks. And Walking-Maelstrom wastes no time, by his standards, on getting the padding-fight out of the way.

Wait a minute...

One by one, the 'ardboyz that the Havoc could recognize as the underlings of the one called Ledhed entered, musculature well-exposed along with their bashed faces and scarred limbs. They stared at him, the human in return sneering at the idiotic, slack-jawed greenskins that thought they'd actually stand a chance. 

Now, the trouble is that he isn't fighting Ledhed, as he should, but 5 'Ardboyz as was hinted at by Stokkpile. Why? Because it is more entertaining, in Stokk's (and by extension Walking-Maelstrom's) world. In the real world, where people with sense live, it is yet more mindless padding, making an already long-winded side-track to an already long-winded story even longer.

The 5 'Ardboyz are named, which makes the following fight a little less confusing to follow. I guess even Walking-Maelstrom has a limit to his stupidity. It doesn't change the fact that the Orks are throwaway characters that will be defeated.

I am not going to cite from the... uh... altercation, as it adds nothing and is another textwall ramble full of "haymakers" and "devastating blows". Even when the Orks smuggle in a prohibited weapon, a choppa, Razorwire still wins out in the end. Good for him.

One thing worth noting is this though:

Cursing in what sounded like the language of demons, he fought the strength of Orkawar, leapt up, and planted both boots into the ribcage of Klubba. Slamming into the boots of Orkawar, the blast of pain freed the Havoc from the ork's grip and paid the favor in kind with a hard elbow to the jaw.

"Yer boy'z fast fer a big'un, Masky." 

From one line to another, we utterly change perspective characters; from Razorwire and the 'Ardboyz, to Stokkpile and Torturer. Previously, it was at least accompanied by a full paragraph-break, but not here. As we will see later, the paragraphing is all over the place in this part.

I say that as if it was news...

Anyway, the dull foreplay with the 'Ardboyz and Razorwire peters out after about 4 pages, and Ledhed enters the scene. We get to know he weighs like a Warboss - a fact that makes me wonder why he ain't one - and that Razorwire can whisper things aloud.

But just as Ledhed steps into the arena we jump from the 'Ard Rok Kasino to-

When Lady Tina had spent her time with the Death Spirits, she learned of the demeanor and daily life the Astartes had within their chapter. 

Lady Tina reflecting over Moerchen's cock again.

Close enough.

Oh all right, not quite. She reflects over how the Imperial Paladins solve their inter-personal spats with honours duels.

I suppose that is what we're calling cock-slapping in the 41st millennium.

So, as Tina is sick and tired of Lt. Xin's PMSing over Andres, and vice versa, she thinks that a bout of fighting will clear the air between them. Now, as far as I am concerned, those two have to fuck, not fight! The sexual tension is damn-near thick enough to cut with a knife.

Of course, Tina being the bitch she is, has not said anything about any fight, but has told the two storm troopers to gather in a training room full of sand. On a space ship.

Whaaaa-?

Oh yeah and Tina is going to watch the fight, together with a Space Marine and Magos Lamortes. Why the latter is there, I have no clue. Maybe we needed reminding that he exists?

Meanwhile, in the ring:

"Know where we are?" 

"Looks like a fighting ring." 

"All right then so we're in agreement, and now there's something to

discuss," She sighed, taking her stormtrooper blouse off to reveal just her undershirt, arms marked with scars and a patterned tattoo around her stamped Aquila mark. "I have a grudge to settle with you, Sergeant Lakoff."

"I...I don't follow, ma'am." 

Lakoff is playing dense, but Xin soon pushes his buttons enough to reveal what kind of guy he is.

"See?!? This arrogance and attitude you carry...and after I save your life personally!" 

He's a Nice Guy. You know the Nice Guys - the ones who only ever do something because they expect something in return.

Usually a blowjob. Nice Guys are the worst kinds of sexist dicks, because they can't figure out how their behavior is sexist.

And that is just the tip of the iceberg here.

There was a degree of tolerance and respect that a veteran such as Sergeant Lakoff carried to comrades and superiors alike. However, in these special circumstances, the rather volatile nature of this woman from friend to foe and repeat had finally worn him. "I'm left questioning what is going on and your continuous harassment of me and my soldiers is neither fitting nor justifiable, especially after we put our bloody necks on the line to save all of you! No, there's no uplifting primer or higher Guard authority to defend this sort of childishness now, lieutenant. I...I think I see what you're aiming for. Very well, guess there ain't a commissar around here now fixin' to scream about someone 'found wanting' and all that other garbage flung out of a mouth like it was their occupation," 

Andres Lakoff is a storm trooper sergeant. Ksi-Xin is a storm trooper lieutenant. In the military world, you don't even have to respect your superiors. You obey orders. What kind of world would we live in if soldiers stopped obeying orders because they did not respect their superiors? You do not salute the person, you salute the uniform, and as long as Xin wears the pips of a lieutenant, Sergeant Lakoff can bitch and moan about respect and there being no commissars present (which strictly speaking does not apply to storm troopers). His only question when Xin orders him to jump should be "how high?".

Anything else is a terrifying lack of discipline, and aptly enough respect.

I hate this entire segment so much, because these people are supposed to be the Imperial Guard's equivalent of the Navy SEALS. Actually, I think the only proper comparison is with the British SAS. That's how well trained and disciplined the Imperial Storm Troopers are supposed to be. Inquisitorial ones even more so, because as we've noted repeatedly in the past, they have to do/have seen things that ordinary Imperial Guard would not believe.

Does Walking-Maelstrom know what this means? I sifted through his dA Journals, trying to get a grip on his personal past, and I get the terrifying hunch that he has done military service of some kind. If so, I would not want to be in the same foxhole as him. I don't even have to go on a "lore-faggy" rant over how storm troopers come from the same stock as commissars so Lakoff is basically talking about his classmates, because lines like this exist:

"So sad," rolling his shoulders he got himself in his fighter's stance, "I don't like to hit pretty women like you." 

Fuck you, you condescending ass-wipe.

Luckily for my blood pressure, we leave the children-playing-at-soldiers for the retards-playing-at-wrestlers.

The flyboy took a swig from his "flashy flask" before releasing a horrid belch in the direction of the Noise Raptor. "Get sum mo' squig steakz burnin', Matchiz!" 

 And horrid pun-names. Matchiz.

Matchiz.

I had forgotten he does that.

Matchiz.

Saying it aloud makes it hurt less.

Stokkpile, Breaknek and Torturer spend a page bantering back and forth, and Ledhed and Razorwire get about half a page of pre-fighting banter too. All of this could pretty much safely have been cut out to make the story fit in under 64 kb, Walking-Maelstrom. Because it is shameless padding -- within the shameless padding!

"What do you know about pacing?"

I think we've encountered such dense meta-padding we've hit padception.

Whatever it is, it is terrible. But eventually even the ump Big Buffa has had enough:

"Llllllllllllllllllllllet's get ready fer stompiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin'!" 

Try running that through Google Translate's reading function and enjoy, it's hilarious.

As Razorwire and Ledhed rush each other like rhinos in heat, Xin and Lakoff are duking it out in parallel to them.

This is what I referred to previously when I said the paragraphing was about to get more confusing. Walking-Maelstrom does his darndest to not make the sudden shifts from one place to another utterly weird. The thing is: it works. It actually works. The problem is that it is utterly wasted on two scenes and fights that are nothing but padding.

So I won't drown you in shit this time around. I'll summarize as well as possible.

Razorwire manages to floor Ledhed pretty fast, causing the dumbest of the Sick Six to make a ham-handed Gladiator reference.

Razorwire turned to all the orks and screamed. "Is this it?!? You pathetic, insignificant, pieces of shit...you bring me here and jeer at me with your greasy sockets of eyeballs and expect me to bow to a weakling example of a 'champion?!?'" Turning to Stokkpile and Torturer, a sharp finger jabbed at the both of them. "And you...this is what you call an event? A challenge? And you, Lord, are you satisfied? Maybe you can come down here and provide me some real sport! Huh?!?" 

Because I certainly am. The search for penis is over after all!

 Of course Ledhed is far from down. Razorwire and he (it?) continue to fight.

Xin and Lakoff fight too, and their fight gets vaguely sexual.

"Get up, sergeant! Faster! That's an order!" Xin screamed at the top of her lungs. She never got so angry at any Guardsman, but the sergeant's effort and almost reluctance to really, honestly settle things in this ring had pushed every button. 

The push and punch, and kick and grunt and oh my they go on and on and on.

Meanwhile, there's nothing vague about the sexuality of Ledhed and Razorwire's fight as, you guessed it, Razorwire starts getting off on pain again.

Razorwire picked up the laughter into full-blown masochistic delight.

"Wot'z so funny, skargit?" He demanded. 

After cackling, the Havoc spat out some blood upon the bars. "More..." 

"Mhm...kay den." Ledhed obliged and slammed his face into another series of bars, the hard smack of the bones upon metal ringing in both their ears. He repeated the process over and over, Razorwire helpless gripped like this yet indulging in the rapture of such agony.

The insane laughter continued. "More! More, ork!" 

"Ronkin' krazyboy..." 

"More! Harder!" 

 The segment with these two ends with them running like idiots against each other once more, because it was fun the first time.

Xin and Lakoff are still rolling around in the sand, but he manages to get the upper hand through a headbutt. Xin considers this dirty fighting, to which Lakoff replies as follows:

He chortled back looking into those eyes of hatred and gnashing teeth promising violence, "My, what a temper! Problem, ma'am?" 

Goddamn, this guy and his fucking shoehorned memes! That Andres more or less pulls a hamfistedly-written rape-face doesn't help.

Throughout all this, Lady Tina only watches. Corporal Alesky, who seems to be suddenly there, thinks enough is enough, but Lady Tina doesn't. No, her two storm troopers have to beat each other senseless for it all to matter.

She snickered. "Just enough to get all the frustrations out. It didn't take a psyker to feel the tension as thick as a grox's skull. Either one's going to win or they'll both pass out. I can't have the people I'll be looking after be bickering over matters that are detrimental to the mission. You should know this, corporal. We can't have this sort of infighting, especially amongst leaders. Don't worry though," her smile seemed to relieve the boy of some fear, "they'll be back up and working together in due time." 

"If this doesn't end with violent anger-sex then I am going to be seriously disappointed," is what Lady Tina is saying here. This bit makes me like Alesky more, though, simply because he seems to be one of the few people with common sense. He's immediately blown off, of course.

Back on the Rok, up on the bleachers, events are clumsily foreshadowed yet again as it becomes apparent that Irongutz has left the area. For those that don't remember (can't blame you), Irongutz is another Mek that competes with Stokkpile for... something. Bitches and blow? I don't know, there's not really anything worth competing for here. He's gone, obviously to prepare a raid against Stokk, but Stokk is conveniently stupid at this moment, and doesn't think that what is about to happen is a raid.

It is at about this time that both duels manage to grind to a standstill.

He swung with his free arm, but it seemed the human had more fight in him, holding the fist in place and gripping it as tightly as possible. Neither would budge.  

 [...]

Xin landed a punch to his face to which she'd find a fist in her stomach. A kick to his knees would elicit a hit to her sides. His reservations were gone and her desire to beat him only got stronger. Both bled from the mouths and face, both were covered in sweat and sand, both were panting for air, both stances got less disciplined and showed more anger, both ached considerably, but neither would concede. 

 I've italicized the important parts. Both are at standstill.

Razorwire then breaks his deadlock with Ledhed in a simply ingenious way!

In a mighty push, he shoved Ledhed's boot to the side and thrust his fist straight in between the ork's legs. Ledhed howled in pain grasping himself and the crowd gasped in astonishment mixed with mutual sympathy. 

He delivers a nut shot.

On an Ork.

And it works!

Now, I'm no biologist, but I do know that the lore on Orks is pretty conclusive about them being fungus-hybrids. They spread through spores dropping from their skin, meaning they are fucking impossible to get rid off once they arrive on a planet.

I wasn't aware fungi had testicles. If they do have balls, does that mean there are female Orks then? Do we get Ork boobs? And where are they?

Oh wait, there she is.

She looks like what would happen if She-Hulk fucked Wonder Woman and their kid fell out of the Ugly Tree.

If there are "female" Orks, it only creates more questions. Are there baby Orks? Are the Gretchin baby-orks? Are the Squigs toddlers? In that case, why are the Orks then using Squigs and Gretchin as a secondary source of food?

...I just managed to give myself a mental image of an Ork breastfeeding a Squig. Now you have it too.

We're spared having to think about this any more, as we switch to Lakoff and Xin's fight. They are both very weary now and both are barely standing up. Up on the observation deck, Corporal Alesky pleads to Inquisitor Tina to call it off, but she says no.

In the mean time, the two storm troopers in the ring stare at each other some more in typical Maelstrom Pro Time-Wasting fashion. Xin eventually launches a final attack and then passes out, seconds before Lakoff.

Andres laughed, woozy himself from the blow. "See? Didn't...didn't do nothin'." Her punch finally caught up to him, as his laughter turned into a long sigh, knees falling to the sand and the rest of his body plopped on its side, right at her feet. 

It would seem Lakoff went literally to pieces from fatigue.

This proves once again that never can women have the last word in. Men are always going to one-up them. Even when we go back up to the observation deck/platform, it is obvious we are supposed to sympathize with Corporal Alesky's terror at Lady Tina's obvious insanity.

As she [Lady Tina] walked off with the Imperial Paladins, Corporal Alesky

continued to watch the two barely moving superiors, Lieutenant Xin still on her back and Sergeant Lakoff still right in front of her, dumbfounded by what this might have accomplished. He sighed, "All this just to prove a point in front of some officer and a woman, sergeant. You still are really that thick after all these years. Thank the Emperor I'm helping you." 

It is nice to know that at least one person here is making sense and calling out bullshit. Alesky just confirmed his sergeant is a sexist prick with no brains.

For the record, Lady Tina was called away appropriately at the end of the fight to have a meeting with Captain Appollus. Exceptionally good timing, that.

Back on the Rok, the fight does not actually come to a conclusion.

Thirty seconds had passed as the crowd got silent, not a single ork paying attention to who fell first. By technicality, the Chaos Marine had won, but no one had the foresight to actually get a reading.

Torturer and Stokkpile cocked their eyebrow at what looked like a surprise draw. Ildi's jaw dropped with eyes deadly serious in belief that his mentor was the true victor. Breaknek couldn't believe it either with cigar dropping from maw wide open. None of them had made a single sound. 

And there the chapter stops, on a nice little cliff-hanger to force those readers still interested in this to sit around for the next part.

---------------

But before that, let's go over what has happened so far since Divination part 1, where we last had our recap. We're about 100.000 words further on from that point, so it means we've been through about another novel's worth of text.

•  Divination was in its entirety a side-track with Devonar and his band of Craftworlders fighting the single most retarded Dracon "Captain" I have seen to date. Elon'waen was dumb and Devonar has special snowflake powers. The character introductions continue! 
• Egression is about Lady Tina being interrogated (AGAIN!), longing for Moerchen's cock and then getting rescued by Lakoff and his soldiers. They do this on a ship, the size of which I still have no idea about. Tenepht regresses to cartoon-levels of anger at the end. Oh, and Torturer does some planning and we get introduced to yet more people. 
• Peregrination featured some hilarious gay-fencing between Seo and Cailean, followed by further proof the latter is bat shit insane. And even more characters being introduced to us. 
• In Aberration Torturer and his band of idiots find themselves in a space battle, only to crash-land (?) on the 'Ard Rok Kasino, and we are thus introduced to more characters. Orks this time around. The Falchion of Fail gets picked up by the Imperial Paladins and Pillock goes crazy from the MANLINESS of the Space Marines. 
• Altercation starts with Torturer and the Orks deciding to have a "kage mash" and Pillock being even more fucking useless before the Imperial Paladins. It then escalates with Xin PMSing over Lakoff and Razorwire having a work-out montage without the music. It comes to a crushing end with fighting. Lots and lots of long-winded, boring fighting. 

This last part is important to consider. It was literally nothing but fighting, in the end, just like the first part of this train-wreck. And it was no better. Altercation part 3 took me nearly two hours to get through, because it was so unbelievably boring. Suddenly, cleaning the public restrooms at Central Station seemed a more appealing prospect.

And as I look at this list, I can only conclude that these last 100.000 words contain less information than did the first. Less things have been happening. Is that even possible?

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are one step closer to catching up with this series, and all it takes is for Torture-Device to keep off his next part a little while longer.

Both Vect and I are incredibly tired of this Orkish nonsense. We are going to skip the next 5 parts. Walking-Maelstrom is NOT getting any better by the looks of it, and like Vect said we really can't be funny when all that these chapters consist of is the same shit over and over again. There will be a short, I stress short, summary of those 5 parts though.

But I reassure you, dear reader, you are missing nothing crucial.

//L

Altercation part 2

In which the Supreme Overlord gets what's coming to him...

Story: Altercation, pt. 2
Author: SemperFiTRex/WalkingMaelstrom/Walking-Maelstrom

By now, reader, you are privy to my burning, seething hatred of greenskins.

Well, frankly speaking, the only thing I can actually say I hate about them is that particularly mentally challenged portion of their fandom which thinks "dat making dem tawk loik dis"  is the bee's knees.

Well, the psychneuein's knees as the case may be.

Thankfully, as if sensing this, Walking-Maelstrom has opened this particular part with a tract of everyone's favorite space marines--

OH THAT'S RIGHT.

He changed his name back. The only difference is that he has a hyphen, which probably has less to do with dear Lelith's advice than it does the tedious, broken system of name-changing which dA uses.

Uh-huh. Venture Bros. Yes, I remember - you told us as much in your comment, Walking-Maelstrom.



We really do appreciate that you read our stuff, Walking-Maelstrom. Thank you so much for caring enough to inform us, because nobody watched that show.

Now I know we have savagely mauled this old, dead, rotting horse repeatedly, but Walking-Maelstrom has a stark problem with opening scenes.

Quintus watched the man known as Sergeant Lakoff follow the women out the entrance from the Hall, pensive as ever in his analysis.  He turned to his friend.

What is really said here? Quintus watches people leave. He turns to his friend. This is a weak introduction - it fails to establish setting, it fails to invoke emotion, and it fails to connect to the previous chapter entirely.

It has been a few months since the last chapter, so what happened? As Lelith simply grew so tired of it she cut the summary before it was over, but Altercation, pt. 1 ends with troopers Xin and Lakoff arguing. A paragraph-break between this and Quintus abusing the visiting party suggests passage of time...

But here we are in part 2 fifteen minutes backwards, focusing on the space marines again watching the beginnings of the closing of part 1. It feels as though this may have been intended to be part of the first chapter... though, really, who else but an idiot creates a chapter of ten thousand words?

Quintus and Chief-Librarian Dinotus (who is jarringly referred to by his apparent-given name of "Garrod") discuss the party. Quintus is clearly hoping that Dinotus can provide useful information with his psychic powers and clear telepathic mastery, but all that Dinotus can do for him is insist that Hallock (presumably Hallock) is somehow special:

The Chief Librarian placed his force weapon upon the ledge and rested his posture.  "It is not often that I am so…taciturn when dealing with others.  These people, these…refugees almost, they interest me in a rather peculiar way."

"The girl?"

"She is amongst them of course.  However, there was much that I sensed from her where I could not from the others."

"Latent psyker?"

"No.  That much was obvious."

I would indeed agree that Hallock is very special, but I do not think we're on the level here.

Walking-Maelstrom simply assumes that his reader can piece together his frayed logic and discover the identities of such unnamed individuals as "the girl" and "the man". In reality this is a guessing game of near-unparallelled tedium.

Leonir Kunz, the Ultimate Chaplain chooses this time to spontaneously rematerialize:

"Perhaps, in due time, and we will find out exactly what.  She, however, had something about her…as if she was hoping we would arrive, and no other Astartes but we Imperial Paladins."

"Such faith," Kunz butted in, "it is to be commendable."

Someone get this man a tranquilizer!

He mistakes Pillock's Paladin-induced Stockholm Syndrome for faithfulness, which suggests much about the mentality of the Imperial Paladins. Recall that they never actually received a request for protection from Inquisitor Tina before they brought her aboard; they merely insisted that they would provide her guardianship. The Imperial Paladins are less the protectors of humanity as they are crazed, megalomaniacal kidnappers who spend more time praising themselves for insignificant accomplishments.

If ever there was a Chapter which deserved to be destroyed then it would be this one, if only because of the enormous strain they place on Imperial resources. Don't forget that a dedicated devastator of several centuries -- one who apparently earned the mourning of the entire Chapter -- was able to slay less than a handful of flimsy, poorly-armored creatures with his heavy bolter at point-blank range.

It's an entirely laughable scenario, so much so that I am in fact spending more time deconstructing it than I am summarizing it to you.

I assure you, you're not missing much.

"The lack of the soul does not necessarily rob one of their humanity, especially one still devoted to the Emperor.  My mind's feelings towards one should not impair what should be a fair treatment of one who could prove to be an ally."

This is what I call "trying too hard".

"Her sin is pride, ours is laxity, laxity for not doing more to save those people, to save whomever we could."

Ohohokay, I'm sorry, but "laxity" is a very poor choice of word there.

I suppose the Paladins' geneseed suffers an unfortunate defect which causes severe constipation, and in their desperation to soothe it the Chapter has turned to dark, unspeakable means of laxation.

I'm honest to goodness bored of this already, and if you're abiding by the drinking game rules as rigidly as I am, then you have already downed your drink at least twice in this chapter and have consumed eight shots.

The word "mayhap" is used four times in part 2, and two of these instances are within a paragraph of one-another.

I am dying a slow, painful death, dear reader.

Let us go ahead and skip directly to the Sick Six and their predicament:

Three days had finally passed, days that felt like eternity aboard the Engine of Obscenity as it stood there docked with crude chains and machinery binding her.

 Okay, look. Lelith and I have come to the consensus that the "Kasino" is in fact a large space station, but this contradicts the earlier madness about gravity from the aptly-named Aberration, pt. 1. I severely doubt that the gravitational pull between the Flying Icon of Overcompensation and the 'Ard Rok Kasino would be sufficient to endanger either of them unless they were on a direct collision course.

If Stokkpile fired a tractor beam at a passing ship it stands to reason his station would have received the reactive energy of the Obscene Example of Prose's momentum. If they fired a tractor beam at it while it was falling towards the Kasino, then would this not have expedited the Kasino's obliteration?

That line of reasoning only leads us back to the evident fact that there is no reason for this nauseating digression whatsoever.

The Sick Six's lengthy segment opens with a long chunk of text which reads like a dissertation on divinity by a particularly passionate student of theology.

I would also like to note for your convenience that doors like to swing wide open quite frequently in this series.

The doors swung wide open and waiting for the both of them was Sergeant Ignis.

I am sorry, but nobody seems to be able to just open a door normally. They must always be so violent about it!

Ignis is not missing anything which might warrant his aggressive door-opening technique. Torturer and his band of degenerates are simply discussing who to gets to come with them to the... "Kage Mash." At this juncture I want everyone to know...

"Heh, what about the former Death Company, Marco?  Too savage for the sport, maybe?"

There is a FUCKING DEATH COMPANY MARINE IN THIS WARBAND.

As in, THE BLOOD ANGELS' DEATH COMPANY.

Forgive me if I have downed my drink too quickly, but aren't these people hallucinating that they are, in fact, Sanguinius, pure and loyal and loving son of the Emperor, living out his final hours and minutes? What would possess the Angel to join such a mediocre--

Oh, oh by the Muses, I need more vodka...

I apologize, but everything is starting to blur after that revelation. What I can tell you is that there is a grot named "Oi," who makes the typical orky call for attention "Oi!" very confusing, and--

"Where?" He grabbed his "binorkularz" to where he saw a rather obese and surly looking ork grunting and growling to some lesser minions.  Judging by his appearance he was none too pleased to learn who was organizing this, stuffed in with the other boyz.  "Heh…posh git finks 'e 'az a presenz 'ere.  Wutta losah."

 Everything else in this is irrelevant now.

The gretchin play-fight which constitutes nothing but pointless padding; the dialogue between the orks which constitutes nothing but padding; Lady Tina's idiot-storm trooper lieutenant Xin expressing her sexual frustration which constitutes nothing but padding.

Everything is meaningless and empty, in the face of this one.

Single.

Unword.

---~~~---

Lelith and I are going to have a long, hard, stiff talk about this trainwreck, and it will not involve any lubricant of any sort.

In closing, let me say that it is growing incredibly difficult to muster up fresh humor for this. All that the next half-dozen chapters consist of is mindless rehashing of the same useless, poorly-wrought fighting sequences, idiotic banter and long-winded exposition.

The word "mayhap" features extensively as well.

There will be a solution to this, reader, I promise you.


- V.

Altercation part 1

In which our Mistress walks in a circle.

Story: Altercation part 1
Author: WalkingMaelstrom/SemperFiTRex

You know how they say that working out can help you think sometimes? It's true. For the past few weeks, I've racked my brains trying to figure out a less finger-breaking way of referring to SemperFiTRex. Because seriously, writing that every damn time fucking hurts my pinky finger after a while.

And it is so simple! It has literally been staring me in the face, like a carnodon with bad-breath. Incidentally, that was what I was doing when I figured this out. So, after shoving a knife rather unceremoniously through the roof of the beast's mouth - not my best performance in the arena, I am willing to admit - I decided to do this thing.

I have decided to call our unrepentantly idiotic author for Semtex!

Why? Because this cock-guzzling thunder-cunt's writing makes my head hurt to the point of exploding!

And the worst part is that I just can't put it beyond me that Vect has planned this all to some degree. See, he gets all the fun parts, with the stupid fights, with the rampant misogyny (we have what? 3 recurring female characters? this is a sausage-fest...) or the hilarious gayness.
Maybe I am being unfair. I did get the hard end of the stupid-stick with Peregrination part 2. And I got the first half of the fighting back with Symphony of Chaos part 1.

Dark Muses alive... we've been doing this for more than half a year now...

I know Vect remarked that Semtex seems only capable of getting slightly technically better and I am bound to agree. At least with Aberration, Semtex started to name chapters in a manner that actually makes sense in relation to what takes place in the story.

By that logic, Altercation should have a fair bit of fighting, right?

Let's find out!

The stench was utterly revolting.  For those who had their senses attuned to the maximum pleasure possible, this was anathema, a private hell if one may call it that. 

D'aaw, our precious Slaaneshii boys have sensitive noses. How cute! Oddly enough, they weren't noticeably affected by it when you consider Torturer's personal hugbox of flesh that we were introduced to in Retaliation part 2.

Stokkpile and the Sick Six banter some, and we're informed that the Chaos Marines interrupted Stokk's "squig massaj", whatever the hell that is. They are doing this while walking into one of apparently many shady establishments on the 'Ard Rok Kasino. Entering the bar, called Slop's Shop, nearly sets off a fight for no good reason -- admittedly very Orky --, which Ledhed sorts out. So, no fight. No altercation here.

Then we get this:

Torturer grabbed Stokkpile by the arm and with teeth bare tightened his grip to break the ork's skin, "You mind telling me

 When I first read this I honestly thought Semtex had just forgot to finish the sentence. It would not be beyond him, just a new low of laziness. However I soon realized this was something worse.

This is how Semtex thinks an interruption of somebody's dialogue is done. He actually thinks this is how it is done! Get a hyphen, man!

We also get the wonderful word "parlay" again. Not parley. Parlay. Dark Muses alive, get a dictionary!

Anyway, Slop's Shop is owned by the eponymous Slop, a beer-bellied and -swilling Ork with a bad attitude (are there any others?). The mental image I had was of a green-skinned Winston Churchill for some reason.
He has some complaints about what Stokkpile is up to, but decides to serve the Orks that arrived anyway. Because otherwise Ledhed will use his innards as a scarf? It is not made clear what leverage Stokk has on Slop.

So Stokk and the Sick Six, along with Ledhed and Breaknek and some other Orks sit down and talk. For about a page or so. Then Breaknek, losing patience with the pansy pink poofs, starts goading Torturer. And Torturer replies to the horrid Cockney slurs with purple prose.

"I'll slice ya propah, 'umie!  I'll feed ya ta Krusha's squigs!"

"That's a pity for you then.  I'm somewhat indigestible!"

 Who talks like this? And it goes on and on, becoming a non-altercation at about the point that Torturer literally says "U Mad?". I say non-altercation because it turns into a Mexican Stand-off. With Orks.

And Tau.

Wait WHAT?

[Stokkpile] pointed to the beings Ignis had noticed with surprise.  Torturer shared the sentiments, as he saw who appeared to be a Tau "shas'ui" sergeant dressed without armor and flanked by two fire warriors, one male and another female. 

"'Shas'ui' sergeant." Nice tautology, Semtex.

Oh, that was too damn easy.

At least we now know what the fuck a greyskin was supposed to be. But it just further begs the question how the fuck a species with crude FTL technology even got to the Rok in the first place!

Where are they even at right now? I thought they were going to the Maelstrom? How did they wind up in Tau territory?

Anyway, it turns out the Tau are under protection from Stokkpile, though, and he takes some time to talk about how there are some persons on the Rok you don't "crump". This goes into Stokk's proposal to fix the flying dildo in exchange for "gubbinz". Torturer says no. This banter continues back and forth for... oooh... about a page.

I can understand that Torturer doesn't want to part with his loot, but the solution offered is that Ledhed and one of the boys in the Sick Six fight each other, winner takes it all.

A duel. This is can understand. It is dumb, sure, but what did you expect from this series? Now, who'd I choose if I were Torturer? Well, better not put myself on the line (if I was there, I'd gladly accept, but Torturer can't even kill a Librarian, so whelp); Zekkel is hopeless in combat; Foerx is a long-range chum; better not put my medic and tech-savvy man Malexis on the line; Razorwire is a Havoc.

That leaves us with Ignis! Ignis is a close combat specialist! And wouldn't you know! Semtex for once agrees with me! Huzzah! Logic wins out-

"Very well, mek.  I accept.  I choose, for my champion, Sergeant Ig…"  

"You'll choose me!" Razorwire pushed Ignis to the side and stepped forward.  "No discussion!  I'm the biggest and most violent amongst all of you sniveling sycophants, and if there's anyone who is going to rip this incorrigible ork limb from limb, it will be me!" 

And before Torturer can contest this, Stokkpile spits in his palm and calls it done!

Razorwire and Ledhed are going to have a Kage Mash.

A Kage. Mash!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE!

We are back to where we started, with two morons wrestling each other for grabs. The one difference is that there was something about Vessel of His Wrath being written tongue-in-cheek. It had to be, because otherwise that would mean our author has no sense of to- oh wait. Yeah... Right.

The two groups split up and the Orks convene the Kouncil of Smart 'Uns again. Semtex continually refers to them as "Ork's" and it is making me truly wonder whether English is his first language. He clearly has no understanding of how possessive and plural forms work.

Eitherway, the Orks talk about how there is this other Mek and he won't appreciate the Kage Mash at all, interrupting Stokk's ronkin' big "squig-be-que" and all. The foreshadowing is about as subtle as Torturer's U MAD? before. But...

"Da Kage Mash iz on!  Oi!  Spread da wurd an' get da flyahz!  Get all da boyz an' flash gitz an' squig farmaz an' basikly all da orks!" 

Meanwhile on the pink dildo:

A hard ceramite glove met the scarred man's face, from the backside, and sent him stumbling backwards towards the command console aboard the resting ship. 

'Spousal abuse run-on sentence is going on.

Torturer is obviously NOT HAPPY with Razorwire butting in and proving once more that he is a massive idiot. Razorwire, true to form, tries to defend his actions.

"Yes!  It was for pride, Lord!" The last word exiting his lips more than facetious,  "Apparently you're so apt to shed it from you like that wordmongler over there," a finger extended pointing hatefully to the former Exorcist Marine, "that I had to instill it back into all of us!  We let these orks stomp all over us as not a finger is lifted, so once again I will have to muscle through!" 

That tirade of purple prose actually manages to SWAY not just Ignis, but Malexis and Zekkel too to Razorwire's cause. So much for logic winning out. In the end, even Torturer is won over, as he realizes that if Razorwire dies, it is one less problem for him. Nevermind that the Orks will then wear their insides as hats.

Magnificent, purely magnificent, she thought.  Trooper Rana Hallock could not be more in adoration walking slowly through The Hall.  The pain in her hand was ignored by sheer mental amazement towards the grandeur of the Imperial Paladins. 

FUCK YOU, PILLOCK! I HATE YOU! HATE! YOU!

Why must we put up with this mid-20 something woman, an Inquisitorial storm trooper no less, that is stuck in the mentality of a tween? Why?

My guess is that Semtex somehow thinks people like Pillock. That she is an awesome genki-desu girl. No! She is not! She is a moron!

The group of refugees are being led to Chapter Master Raimond Quintus, a being that so utterly blows Pillock's noodle that she begins to stammer in his presence.

"M-M-My…L-Lord Qu-Quin-Quintus…the…the Epistolary…"

But I am getting ahead of myself.

The group is being led to Quintus by Dinotus, who seems perfectly fine to be leading them despite there being an UNBOUND PARIAH IN THEIR MIDST. His sole reflection over the Lady Inquisitor being a Pariah is that he can't read the people around her. He seems most interested in Pillock, for a reason I cannot fathom.

What follows once they are in front of Quintus is more talking. With Quintus being a grade A bastard. How? By belittling the Lady Inquisitor, calling her entire life and works a lie, and that she, as a woman, can never have the magnificent Roboute Guilliman as her spiritual liege!

"Your existence carries falsehoods, Inquisitor Tina Amalthea Solarius, or whatever moniker you give yourself nowadays!  Your name itself carries a lie, ever-changing for the situation.  Your troopers around you have names, real identities, but not you.  Your actions deceive what we thought would benefit the chapter upon Grexx.  Just what part of you is not a fabrication?" 

Okay, not really, but it is not far from being like that.
And Semtex once again shows his lack of creativity by referring to Inquisitor Tina Solarius as "Inquisitor Tina Amalthea Solarius, or whatever moniker you give yourself nowadays". He had Judias do it in Rumination part 2 and Tenepht as well in Egression part 1. It's getting tedious. We get it; Lady Tina has used many names in her line of duty. But it's not as if MaKo85 posted a reference sheet that listed her actual name, is it? Wait...

So, Quintus is basically looking for a reason not to blow Lady Tina out the nearest airlock, which makes you wonder why he had them brought aboard the ship in the first place. Could've just blown them to bits when on the Falchion of Fail and saved us all a lot of bother.

That would actually have finished off that so-called plot-thread nicely. And we would've been rid Lady Tina AND Pillock in one blow. But no, you can't do that when you use other people's characters for your story, and that is why a good author doesn't! Semtex ain't one, as we have established.

This tirade of derision, that sets Xin off into a simmering rage and which is swiftly defused by Andres; how does Lady Tina meet it?

Her head picked up from the floor she stared at for a brief moment, thinking of her actions and those she cared for.  She whispered to herself, "For as long as he lives, so shall I." 

Is it physically possible for her to function as a normal human being without (mentally) blowing Moerchen's two foot cock? No? Well then!

The last four pages is Quintus being an asshole, Tina a cunt, Pillock a twat and Xin a complete bitch, all wrapped up in tedious, pompous malformed writing. so I say, CUT!

Because we all KNOW that Quintus is going to let them stay on board the ship. There is no tension here. All it is, is Quintus being an assholish guy putting the wimminz in their proper places.

--------------------------- 

In this end-cap let's talk of an increasingly obvious problem of this series: the misogyny.

It's not as if it weren't present from the start, but back then it was more sexism than outright misogyny. Lady Tina could fight, as could Xin and Pillock, back in Symphony of Chaos. But with the Lady Inquisitor's capture, she seems to have lost her balls - excuse the pun.

Let's count our named female characters and what they have done:

1. The Lady Inquisitor Tina Something-something. Started out half-way competent, though her Pariah-ability doesn't seem to affect men that much. Is now the single most useless character in the entire series. Utterly dependent on the thought of Moerchen and his cock to function in day to day life. 
2. Lt. Ksi-Xin. Got promoted into dead man's boots and they are obviously too large. Has, with the advent of Andres, turned into a catty bitch, because who knows how women function! 
3. Trooper Rana Hallock aka Pillock. Was never good. She's annoying. And recently turned batshit bonkers and now grovels for the Imperial Paladins, ready to serve those big, burly men. 
4. The Wych Aeseryth L'Hyel. Halfway capable, but disqualified as a strong character because she is a slave and captive to a big but not so burly Space Marine. 
5. Cultist Cath. She's a self-insert Mary Sue, though of whom I have no fucking clue. She is, along with Aeseryth, the one who regularly acts as Torturer's cum bucket. But Cath does it willingly, throwing herself at HER MAN'S feet. 
6. Elon'waen. Is dumb as a door-knob, serves every whim of Devonar and flies off the handle more easily than any of the male Eldar. 
7. Judias. Gets bawled out by Tenepht for being fucking useless. Overall just subservient to a man whose intelligence places the lemming in a good light. 
8. Captain Gelmir. Gets strong and determined after the man she didn't know she loved is killed and her ship gets wrecked avenging him. OF COURSE! 

When I first tried recounting this, I had utterly forgotten Cath, Elon'waen and Gelmir. That is how much of a non-mark they left in my mind. The rest of the named characters are all male.

This is a sausage fest.

"BROTHERS I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE PENIS!"

I don't care if most of the characters are Space Marines. There is a gender-bias in this that is beyond salvaging!

What scares me the most is that Semtex seems like he doesn't quite understand that he is being sexist. He seems to think this is all okay to write and nobody won't take offense in the slightest.

Well, Lelith does take offense to his thickheadedness. Any sane person does.

To answer the question asked in the beginning: no, there's no real altercations in this part. Minor squabbles, but no altercations.

So where's the fighting, then? I'm sure Lord Vect will be able to give an answer.

'Til next time!

//L//

Aberration part 3

In which the Supreme Overlord is unamused...

Story: Aberration part 3
Author: SemperFiTRex/WalkingMaelstrom

It takes an extraordinary amount of stubbornness to not improve as a writer in a year and a half.

Over the course of a year and a half a lot can happen. You can get a girlfriend, lose a childhood pet, write a dissertation, get banned from Deviantart for being creepy...

As far as I know only one of those examples applies to WalkingMaelstrom.

And I'm pretty sure he didn't lose Old Yeller.

But really, Vessel of His Wrath was published to Deviantart in mid March 2010. Aberration part 3 was put up on the 27 of November 2011. I'll grant you this is, as memory serves, immediately following the time-period during which WalkingMaelstrom was banned from Deviantart, so it's possible he wrote Aberration much sooner, but in eight months he never bothered to edit this mess? He didn't have much else to do, being blocked from the site, so why not fix this vomit?

One line in and I'm already frustrated with this writing:

Some time passed that those who were up went off to take care of what they needed to aboard the ship.

Is English WalkingMaelstrom's first language or not? He writes at times like a 4 year old German with Aspergers.

When a reader is confronted by a line like that it scares them. There are no pauses in there. There are two statements made - "time passed" and "[people went] to take care of [business]" and they are drawn out in a single rambling thought. This sort of incoherent nonsense is probably why most Christians haven't read the Bible.

Or Tolkien, for that matter.

The first paragraph is this enormous, fat block of text that just goes on and on and on, solidifying everything we've ever come to hate about Inquisitor Tina and her idiot employ.

Perhaps the pain would subside.  What would not subside, though, would be the continuous enigma of Sergeant Andres Lakoff and this entire operation.  Just who was he and why did he immediately contact her to help the Lady Inquisitor escape?  Why were they, broken soldiers and a disgraced Inquisitor, so vital to whomever was or is pulling the strings?  She thought of the Eldar and Moerchen.  Was he alive?  Just what were the Eldar doing with the Space Marines?  She had always felt apprehensive of anything the witches did when Imperial matters were the central focus.  Perhaps, when it all boiled down to it, she wanted her men and women to be alive and victorious at the end of the day.

 That's the beginning of the latter half of the first paragraph. No spacing.

But surprise, dear reader. This entire part is devoted to her and her incompetent crew. We don't get a break from this inanity.

The end of the first text block reminds us that Lieutenant Xin (I'm having difficulty remembering these people) got her job from killing genestealers after the original lieutenant got eaten by them.

 She got her vengeance, his position, and a fragment of that very claw still with her.

 Okay, I see the problem now. WalkingMaelstrom is so desperate to outwardly display intellect that he thinks superfluous wording imitating Elizabethan English will be able to compensate for his lack of creativity.  In making this his focus however, WalkingMaelstrom has forgotten the other elements of good storytelling - to not even speak of his own language.

I swear, this will be the last time I break down such a specific example in this part. We'll be back to petty mockery momentarily.

Take the first four words of that sentence and they form a lone thought. But cut out the mid-section of that sentence to make "that very claw" the subject, and you get this:

 She got a fragment of that very claw still with her.

 I am reminded of African American eye-dialect. Dat gurl, she got a frag'm'nt a' dat claw still wit' 'er.

You do not receive an object which is still in your possession. What the above quote seems to be stating is simply that Xin has "a fragment of that very claw" in her posession, which clashes with the rest of the sentence.

This is WalkingMaelstrom's folly. In hopes of sounding smart when he really isn't, he's made the mistake of the Emperor and his new clothes.

"But mummy, he's not making any sense at all!"

That's an unsettlingly accurate comparison I realize now.

A less attuned sight would not have noticed it, but Lakoff caught a light twitch that was her way of a grin considering the situation. 

Ugh! There it is again!

 Following that paragraph is a scene of the ship returning to real-space that is, thankfully, properly spaced. Would that it was actually the ship returning to space rather than people on the bridge shouting that they're doing so.

And aww, the storm troopers hold hands.

Xin held Hallock's hand again as the ship rocked here and there with the Warp rift starting to tear itself back into real space. 

 Okay, no, I have to keep breaking this down. Fiction rarely refers to the process of emerging from the warp using words such as "tear" or "rift" since these already refer to the catastrophic opening of a permanent/semi-permanent hole between the warp and reality. A ship's journey from hell and back is usually referred to in terms such as "translation" or "jump" or something else that at least has a neutral connotation.

And I don't remember them ever requiring the crew to brace anywhere else. Too brutish. There's tens of thousands of crewmen on these ships, they can't all be expected to drop what they're doing and grab a rail. I seriously doubt that warp-entry and -exit is that dangerous for a fully intact ship. The worst I've ever seen is Ciaphas Cain musing on an unpleasant sensation in his stomach after a jump.

Little bits of in-universe information like this are nice when there's a context though. This scene just serves as padding. It has no bearing to the story at-large, it doesn't really stand for anything - it's entirely pointless since we've gone without examining warp-translations before.

In all actuality what this scene does convey is that Xin and Hallock are "young at heart".

Read: mentally handicapped.

So as it turns out Lakoff was supposed to be meeting with some mysterious third party at this location, presumably to evacuate Tina elsewhere since she's too clueless to help herself. But nobody is present.

They're dumbly wondering how to react when suddenly, they're stampeded by a large fleet of ships.

Not a few seconds later did the ship start to rumble.

 Not a few seconds later? When did it start to rumble, then? An hour after the fact?

The next paragraph simply cracks me up however.

"Hold onto something!  Prepare for the shockwave!" He screamed grabbing onto the ledge and anyone else nearby.

 How many appendages does this guy have to grab with? He's just grabbing whoever is close like some sort of carapace-armored octopus.

He watched in utter amazement as the massive craft flung itself through the rift and zoomed past the tiny destroyer, slowing down to where his own ship was at about the halfway point.

There's a penis joke in there somewhere.

It was massive, just utterly massive. 

The crew itself was thrown about and the ship nearly tilted to its side.  Things went black for a minute with panicked screaming.

This leads to an extraordinarily awkward, extraordinarily weeaboo moment where, in an effort to spark some hopeless romance WalkingMaelstrom writes Sergeant Lakoff stumbling into Lieutenant Xin amidst the ship's shaking.

Anyone with half a brain can surmise who's just showed up.

Xin gasped.  "Throne…it is them.  It's…the Imperial Paladins."

Oh, dear. I'm going to need to break out the Johnny Walker for this, I fear.

So Inquisitor Tina tries to message them so that the frigate does not get blown up in space,

The vox again cut her off.  "Unidentified craft!  This is your second warning!  State your purpose and contents immediately!"

 And they conveniently cut her off.

I especially like how they give them something like 5 seconds to state what they're doing there...

And everything that they're carrying aboard the ship. I'm sure we all want to hear about each type of ammunition they're carrying, the various portions of fuels, the different foods and their current supply of water...

But I digress. The Paladins being unable to hear the inquisitor talking is actually a stalling tactic on WalkingMaelstrom's part to try and generate just a little more suspense before he finally plops Tina in the hands of yet another masculinity symbol.

"Chapter Master!" The nearest battle brother knelt as he approached the opening doors.   All inside had made themselves humble before Quintus as he, Dinotus, and Zerev strode forth towards the holo-screens.

"Brother-Captain Trwari, I am told we have unexpected company!"

Holy shit on a shit-stick, what the shit is THAT?

Trwari? What kind of name is that?

Upon discovering who it is they're currently in the process of steamrolling, the Imperial Paladins quickly meet to discuss the matter. Zerev (another random captain of awful naming) suggests this:

"I say we leave them.  Her involvement into our business has already cost us enough trouble, the Inquisition already looming down over our shoulders."

 I smiled at that. I really did. "Cost us enough trouble," has she? Then by all means let's keep using her, I say. She's draining our misfortune, it would seem.

The phrase he's gloriously screwed up here is "caused us enough trouble," which is close in phonetics but far off in meaning.

And, really, I would appreciate the chance to hear what exactly it is that Tina has done that makes her so mistrusted amongst... well, everyone and everything. Tenepht obviously had no real cause for complaint with her. Is this more nonsense about her getting kidnapped by a chaos space marine? Like being abducted suddenly makes her a villain.

Eventually the Paladins decide to let the inquisitor and her cohorts take refuge aboard the Chapter fleet.

Without contacting her for her opinion on the matter.

Abduction #4, counting Sergeant Lakoff's little stunt.

Muses, she really is a brunette Princess Peach.

When the shuttle is already underway, Quintus chooses to message the friga-- sorry, destroyer, and talks down to Lady Inquisitor Tina,

"You should consider yourself fortunate, Lady Inquisitor.  It is your being here that brings me to address you, the very lord of the chapter.  Had it just been yourself, I might have reconsidered doing what I am about to do, but I have gained the intelligence about your escape and just who is with you.  It is for the brave souls aboard that perform against all odds for your sake that I do this.  Boarding craft are being dispatched at this moment to bring you aboard," from the corner of his eyes he could see the troopers jubilant and embracing each other, "and to provide you the asylum you seek.  We too have been plagued by those after you, so our sentiments are of like mind."

 And once again neglects all sense of linguistic rules. And of course, being apparently the least powerful inquisitor in existence Tina accepts and licks his boots while he brow-beats her:

The Lady's heart skipped a beat despite the less than subtle verbal barb he had unleashed. "I…we…we are humbled, noble Quintus."

"Prepare for boarding.  Take anything and everything from this ship you will need.  It will be destroyed soon afterward.  The Emperor protects."

"Yes, of course."

The screen flickered off, leaving the escapees with their thoughts and prayers to the Emperor amidst the excitement.  Sergeant Lakoff himself was still left in confusion.  He wondered where his contact was supposed to be and how there was absolutely no word of the Imperial Paladins showing up here.  

Xin slapped his shoulder.  "We've got troops to get ready, sergeant."

"Oh!  Yeah…right you are, ma'am."

An hour passed and the crew nervously awaited the craft, Trooper Rana Hallock out in the front with eyes wide.  Her hand ached considerably from the excitement and flurry of the packing, but she did not care.  Dressing in only her medicae outfit and packing whatever else she could scavenge, she whispered thanks to the Emperor.  At long last, after the weeks of despair, she would meet them again.

The champions of mankind.

 Whoa, Nelly! Spontaneous double-spacing following a single-space pattern!

The destroyer shook as the boarding crafts found purchase with the entry hatches.  

"They're here!" Hallock cried out.

Oh, great, look what the cat dragged in.

The thumps of ceramite boots echoed through the halls and around the open range of the docking bays themselves.  Hallock stood firm as the first giant stepped closer and closer.  The armor was a brilliant blue bedecked with ceremonious seals, golden trim, and the rich scent of incense.  The first Space Marine approached and she could feel the aura of the power sword at his hip, glowing with a pure energy that would not dare spill the blood of an innocent.  Flanking him were two other Space Marines, masks with eyes of righteous hatred hiding faces of all emotion, human faces.  Their bolters were held firmly, always at the ready, yet postured themselves to act more the guardian.  She stared up at the man, heart pumping wildly and a tear yearing to run down her cheek.  He knelt down to where his head was finally at hers, not as a sign of any fealty, no.  This was a gesture to see those they were to protect, at their level.  He removed his helmet and revealed a rather youthful face marred here and there by age and a solitary life as a warrior.  What struck Hallock the most when she stared into those piercing teal eyes was the shocking amicability from his smile.

"A-A-A-A…" she stuttered with shaking hands trying to form the Aquila.  No one else could even approach, Lady Tina too humbled and the rest awestruck by the Astartes.

Does Trooper Pillock even serve any purpose? Does she do anything useful besides screech about space marines all day and night? She was worthless in Egression and presently she's just as completely irrelevant.

Xin cut herself in between Lakoff and the Inquisitor.  "With respect, noble Astartes, I am coming too!  I am Lieutenant Xin and I'm her escort, I'll also be taking Trooper Rana Hallock with me." Hallock and Tina shot her a surprised glance at the sudden declaration, unsure whether to respect or hush the officer.

This is obviously some sick joke.

Appolus grinned.  "While logic would dictate the need for a 'bodyguard' unnecessary, I can sense a close bond between you and this woman, young lieutenant, one of unflinching loyalty.  Very well, take whoever you feel up to the task.  We will depart soon.  Gather everything you can since you will be with for a while, likely."

And now space marines can just sense affection. This is a far-cry from the autists I'm used to dealing with.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, character background exposition:

The shuttles had slowed themselves down and finally landed.  They were inside.  The doors hissed and as the guards stepped forth to greet their brethren, the escapees tried to compose themselves aboard the barge.  It was certainly a difficult feat.  They had been aboard Inquisitorial vessels many a time, but nothing like that of the Rolan Valentis, adorned with frescoes, stained glass, banners, and the most illustrious metal workings dotting the landscape from within the loading bays themselves.  Only Lady Tina seemed to feel unfazed by it all, her experience with the Death Spirits allowing such a luxury from that time long ago aboard the ill-fated Shangri-La and her novice days as an Inquisitor.

 Now's probably not the best time to remark that there's no such thing as a novice Inquisitor. Off of that though, if we're going to talk about frescoes and stained glass, perhaps we could get a little description of what this all depicts? Might make it worth mentioning.

The inquisitorial party is escorted to the bridge presumably, and we are once again reminded the storm troopers are incompetent in all regards, even something so simplistic as discipline:

Xin and Hallock walked side by side in rare unity as officer and subordinate, eyes unable to fix upon anything as the sights and sounds of the Space Marines had overwhelmed them in mere seconds.  However that was soon corrected as the thunderous roars of battery fire echoed through the halls, all turning to watch the Falchion destroyer reduced to mere scrap.  The stars themselves played spectator to the unrelenting destruction as explosions lit the ether only to be snuffed out like the flames of candles.  As their faces lit up from the light and energy outside, the entryway slowly opened.

"Attention on deck, brothers!  The Chapter Master approaches!  Hail, Lord Quintus!"

"Hail!" They screamed in unison, Captain Appolus taking a knee as the others followed suit.

Hallock was the first to turn to see him, mouth agape in sheer awe.  Each step he took was like thunder in her eardrums, the gaze he had upon them all piercing and unmoving, every second as if time had slowed.

"B-B-By-By the Emperor…"

"Get on a knee, Trooper!" Xin yanked her down before she was further paralyzed in wonder.  She too had felt the strong aura of not only the Chapter Master, but also from whom she assumed was the Chief Librarian, the latter's eyes already noting her and Hallock's talk.

 I've nothing more to say about them.

He stopped and with a mere opening of his gauntleted hand Captain Appolus rose.

"My Lord, we have brought everyone from the destroyer aboard.  The 'evidence' is currently being expunged."

The voice of the Chapter Master was deep and imposing, a leathery tone further wizened by the centuries he had served, keen eyes bearing down upon all of them, Astartes and trooper alike.  His tone was cordial, respectful of his trusted captain yet serious in manner of situation.  "Your speed and effectiveness does you credit, Brother Appolus.  You may continue escorting the personnel towards initial processing and inspection.  I want them to be fully tested and found of nothing worth dealing with.  The Chief Librarian assures me that they are of pure spirit and I would hope to not have him be seen a fool.

Captain Appolus knew the last remarks were aimed ever so subtly at the Lady Inquisitor and her crew, rather than he and the Second Company, "Your will, my Lord."

"You," he pointed directly at Tina, who rose upon his signal, "you are the Lady Inquisitor are you not?"

"Yes, I am, Chapter Master Quintus." She could note the slight feeling of discomfort from the Chief Librarian, her null aura already being noticed without any form of announcement.  The other Imperial Paladins had shown similar but fainter signs.

"Brother-Epistolary Cailean had spoken to me about you and what had transpired upon Grexx.  There is much for you to tell us about.  And believe me when I say there is much for you to tell, I will want to hear everything.  Take whom you need and follow me at once."

"Of, of course." Humbled, she signaled Lakoff, Xin, Lamortes, and Hallock to her sides.  All had frozed to allow the Chapter Master his leave to where he would sit and judge the refugees, hoping her words would reach him.  The Chief Librarian spoke not a word as a few minutes passed with him standing until he felt ready, instead merely a raise of his staff and a point towards the entrance, towards the Hall.

 ---~~~---

And that's a wrap. Thankfully I seem to have managed to dodge ork duty for now.

There's really nothing more to comment on here. This was just dismal in the extreme.

By this point it's abundantly clear that WalkingMaelstrom and Torture-Device have no clear sense of what's going on, or where it's going. It's rather pathetic, really.

But I'm still strung up by the appearance of this new writer earlier this week. Hopefully he'll prove interesting.

Although at this pace, Lelith and I will reach him in another four months. Oh well.

Enjoy life while it lasts, Kabalites!

 - V.